


Journey by babs

by babs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:27:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babs/pseuds/babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel and Sam make it out of a bad situation only to find their journey is not yet done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Journey by babs

"Sam?"

Sam hurried back to her place by Daniel's side. "I'm here, Daniel. Just went to get us some food." She placed the small bowl on the floor next to Daniel's pallet. Using the dipper, she poured some water from a bucket into a battered cup. "Here's some water."

Daniel allowed her to lift his head and hold the cup as he drank. "Thanks," he whispered and closed his eyes again.

"I have food," Sam said. She stirred the pasty gruel and held a spoonful to Daniel's lips. He rolled his head to the side.

"Not tonight." He licked his dry, chapped lips. "Not hungry." He sighed once before falling back to sleep.

Sam swallowed hard as she looked at her friend. Daniel had stopped eating more than a bite or two of the gruel that was their every meal a few days ago. At least she was still able to get him to drink water. She spooned gruel into her mouth without thought. There would always be more--one thing the Ijidi did was provide plenty of the pasty substance for the unfortunate souls who found themselves in the jail. Tears filled her eyes as she chewed. She knew Daniel wouldn't sleep for more than a few hours. His sleep habits had become erratic over the past weeks. She looked up at the high barred window and wished she could see more than the sliver of blue night. She put the bowl aside after she cleaned it out. She'd go for more food in an hour so Daniel would have something to eat if she could persuade him. Then she curled up on the floor beside him, tucking a blanket closer around his too thin form and placing her hand over his heart so she could feel it beating. She didn't want him to die and leave her. The thought of that filled her with dread. She didn't want to spend the rest of her days in this always lit, sterile environment with only a sliver of sky to remind her of better days.

When she slept she dreamed of Earth, of green grass and sunshine. She dreamed of Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c, General Hammond and Janet, and Daniel---Daniel healthy and strong and walking beside her as they went through the Stargate.

"Sam."

The weak voice pulled her out of the dreamworld and slammed her into reality. "Daniel."

"Is Jack coming soon?" Daniel asked. He blinked at her in the dimmer light of the night cycle.

She used to tell him the truth, back when he wasn't so ill, right after their captors had taken him away and brought him back this broken, thin man. She used to remind him they were stranded on Ijidi, that they were aliens on faraway world, that they had been taken prisoner for what the Ijidi said was spying, that Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c and everyone back at the SGC probably stood no chance bargaining with the Ijidi. But now he was dying; she had reconciled herself to that days ago, as Daniel grew weaker and weaker. And because he was dying and he was her friend and she loved him, she had learned to lie.

"Soon, Daniel," she whispered to him, bending close and rubbing her fingers in his hair. "I'm sure the colonel and Teal'c will be here soon."

"That's good," he said, squinting up at her. Sam forced a smile to her lips. She took his hand in hers, his fingers cold. He had a bruise on his forearm and under her fingers his bones felt fragile and insubstantial.

He coughed and Sam helped him turn to his side. She supported his head but even Daniel's cough had grown weak. She held the water cup to his mouth and he took a sip only to choke on it and bump her hand when he started coughing again.

"Sorry, sorry," Daniel said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sam smiled at him. "Don't be. Let me get this wet blanket off of you and get you into a dry shirt." She pulled the blanket away, bunching it up. Daniel lay still, looking up at her, his gaze intense. She'd been caring for him for more than a month by her reckoning. The shirt he wore was long enough to cover his hips and far too big for him now. Sam tugged at the fabric, pulling it up over hipbones that jutted out and over ribs that stood in stark relief. She eased one arm out of the shirt and then the other, Daniel unable to move to help her. The Ijidi had provided clothes for them, two outfits each, and Sam pulled out Daniel's other shirt. The pants they'd abandoned when he'd lost the ability to move his legs a few days before. She rolled him to one side, bracing his weak body against her side. Sam felt her heart sink as she noticed the red spot on his left hip. She'd been so careful, helping Daniel to move his emaciated body as much as he was able, trying to prevent him from developing bedsores and a resulting infection.

"It's okay, Sam." Daniel said as if he knew what she was thinking. "We'll be home soon."

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah we will." Sam bit the inside of her cheek. There would be time enough to cry later. She couldn't afford to spare tears now. With the ease of long practice, Sam got Daniel into the shirt and covered with a blanket again.

"Thanks." Daniel moved his hand to weakly capture hers. "Sam, I want you to know..."

"Don't." Sam shook her head, feeling a tear trickle down her cheek. She lowered her head so her cheek rested against Daniel's hair. "Please don't."

"I don't want to die here, Sam." Daniel finally said the words Sam had been dreading. "I, Jack. Promise you'll tell him I..." he had to stop to cough.

"I know, Daniel. I know." Sam whispered. She traced his face with her fingers, his hair growing wet from her tears. She didn't know when she had figured it out--perhaps when Daniel had called for the colonel when his fever had been so high in the first grips of his illness.

When Daniel died, she'd make a break for it, she decided. If she died trying to get home it would at least mean she was free of this existence. Daniel's breath was coming out in little puffs and she stayed where she was, afraid that if she moved he'd stop breathing. She realized her thinking had changed. It had become a when for Daniel's death, not an if, and she felt as if she'd betrayed him by giving up hope for a miracle.

She closed her eyes; listening as the others in the large room shifted in their sleep, glad of the corner she and Daniel had for themselves. She couldn't help herself and put her hand over Daniel's heart again.

Excited voices woke her and Sam sat up, her heart pounding. She squinted towards the far end of the hall, the light too dim for her to make out what was going on. Voices rose and fell, loud during what was normally a quiet time and Sam looked down at Daniel to make sure he still breathed.

"We need to find them. We have the papers from your government allowing the transfer of these prisoners."

Sam shook her head, wondering if she was hallucinating. That voice sounded like Colonel Mayer of SG-8, his distinctive Maine accent very familiar. She didn't want to look away from Daniel, his face looking so peaceful as he slept. A pair of USAF issued boots appeared in the corner of her eye.

"Major Carter?"

Oh God, oh God. It was...oh God. Sam curled her fingers around Daniel's blanket to stop their shaking.

"Major Carter, we're here to take you and Doctor Jackson home." Colonel Mayer knelt next to her and he placed a warm hand on her shoulder.

She didn't dare take her eyes from Daniel. If she did, he would stop breathing. "He can't walk anymore. I can't carry him myself."

"We'll carry him for you, Major." Colonel Mayer's hand tightened and then released and she found herself standing with a blanket around her. She heard them talking and didn't care. All that mattered was keeping Daniel with her, not letting him drift away.

Colonel Mayer was speaking to her, telling her they needed to hurry, and she did as he commanded, allowing herself to be supported by his arms, and then they were in front of the Stargate and there was a whoosh of blue light and it was very, very cold. There were voices and almost forgotten smells and oh God, they were home. She had to tell Daniel, but people were around him and they wouldn't let her see him. She saw his hand dangling from the stretcher and managed to get away from whoever's arms were around her so she could hold it.

"We're home," she told him even though his face looked even more peaceful. "We're home."

She was shaking and out of breath, but she didn't want to them to take Daniel away from her.

"Major Carter," the voice was a rumble, but she knew it. "Samantha." And then Teal'c's arms were around her and she felt warm and safe and let herself close her eyes.

  
****

Jack drove the mountain road carefully in the dark, alert for any wildlife that might run in front of the Avalanche. He was glad for the air conditioner blasting cold air in his face despite the cold of the outside air. He needed something to keep him awake. He rarely slept well since Carter and Daniel had not come back through the gate with them on their ill-fated mission to the home world of the Ijidi three months ago. He wasn't allowing himself to get his hopes up that the missing members of SG-1 had been released though. His hopes had been dashed too many times over the past twelve weeks. No, the phone call, the "you are to report immediately" message was probably some other sort of emergency, an urgent call from their allies perhaps.

  
He was met right inside the checkpoint by Teal'c who was looking very serious. Jack felt his stomach lurch. God, had they been found? Were they dead?

"Hey, T-man," Going for nonchalant was always a good idea.

"O'Neill, SG-8 secured the release of MajorCarter and DanielJackson. We are to report to the briefing room."

Jack wanted to throw up. Teal'c's somber expression didn't bode well. He steeled himself for Hammond to tell them Carter's and Daniel's fates. Jack leaned against the wall of the elevator, breathing heavily. SG-8. It shouldn't have been SG-8, it should have been Teal'c and him. He didn't feel like making small talk with Teal'c. If he was going to get bad news, he'd just as soon he was sitting in a briefing room full of other soldiers so he could make sure he didn't betray any emotion.

Colonel Ted Mayer was standing at one end of the briefing room table speaking to General Hammond. As one, the two men turned at Jack and Teal'c's entrance. Jack froze mid-step as he took note of Mayer's expression. The man was smiling and Hammond was looking almost stunned.

Jack felt a brief stirring of hope. "They're alive?"

"They are," Teal'c confirmed beside him.

"You didn't tell me." Jack said. He looked at his friend and teammate. "Wait, don't say it, I didn't ask."

"You did not."

"They're alive," Jack repeated. He rested one hand on the table, glad to feel the solid weight of it under his fingers. "How...I mean...Mayer how did you get them?"

"The Ijidi finally gave in." Mayer said, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe Daniel and Carter had been returned to his team. "I don't know why they decided to let us have them back, but we received a summons that transfer papers had been signed and we were allowed to pick them up and take them home. Maybe they didn't want Doctor Jackson's death on their hands. They had to know how ill he is."

"Ill?" Jack asked.

"I don't know what's wrong with Doctor Jackson, but he was in pretty rough shape, Jack." Mayer said, and Jack could see the compassion in the other man's eyes. "Major Carter was able to walk to the gate under her own power, but whatever it is, she looked like she's at the end of her rope. I wish I had better news." Mayer finished.

"They're alive. We have medical staff that are the best," Jack said. He had to make himself believe that. And he needed to see Daniel and Carter. "General?"

"Doctor Fraiser hasn't reported yet," Hammond said. "But I don't see a problem with us waiting in the hall." Jack detected a slight hitch in the last words the general spoke.

Minutes later, Jack stood in the hall with Teal'c, staring at the doors to the infirmary. He wanted to go in, but with Hammond there and the chance that he'd possibly interfere with medical care Daniel and Carter needed, he had to be content with pacing back and forth and waiting.

  
* * * *

They didn't understand. She tried to tell them but no one would listen. Sam pulled at the nasal canula only to have a nurse take her hand and gently hold it down.

"Major Carter, you need to leave that in," the woman spoke in a quiet voice, but Sam was afraid of her.

"I need to..." she had to stop for breath, despite the oxygen. "You don't understand. He needs me."

"Doctors Fraiser and Warner are taking care of Doctor Jackson. There's nothing you can do. You need to rest."

Sam let her body go limp and nodded at the nurse. Maybe if she thought Sam was obeying orders, she'd leave her alone. Sam watched as the nurse walked away. She could hear noises from the other end of the infirmary where Janet and Doctor Warner and a whole group of others were gathered around Daniel's bed. Her hands itched with the need to touch him, to feel his heart beat under her hands, to reassure herself that he was still alive. A sudden burst of activity made her heart jump and she was out of the bed and trying to get to Daniel when arms closed around her. She twisted in the hold, attempting to get away.

"No! Let me help!" She could hear the shrillness in her voice but she didn't care. Daniel depended on her. The grip got even tighter and someone yelled at her. She fought even harder, wanting, no, needing to get to Daniel but there were too many and they were stronger.

* * * *

"That's Carter," Jack said when the first shrieks could be heard in the hall. He didn't care what Fraiser or the other doctors would do, he barged through the doors, Teal'c on his heels.

He could barely see her blonde hair, surrounded as she was by medical personnel who appeared to be trying to subdue her. It wasn't working. Her sobbing was loud and one of the doctors called from another corner, "Sedate her or get her quiet now!"

Jack shouldered a nurse out of the way. "Let us help," he said, keeping his voice quiet. "You don't know what she's been through."

One of the orderlies looked up at him, his arms full of a still struggling Carter. She took advantage of the momentary distraction and turned her head, biting down on his arm, hard. It worked.

Carter scrambled away from him on hands and knees.

Jack squatted down in front of her, blocking her path. "Carter."

She stopped, pushing herself to a kneeling position and stared at him for a long moment. "Sir? Colonel?"

He nodded. "Why don't you let Teal'c and me help you back to bed?"

She shook her head slowly. "I can't. Daniel needs me. They don't know how to...he needs my help, sir. I...I need him."

Jack swallowed hard in the face of her pain. She looked totally lost. He wondered what hell she and Daniel had gone through to bring her to a state like this.

"How about you let Teal'c help you up and back to bed, and I'll check on Daniel for you?" Jack's heart was pounding. Daniel---Daniel was home.

He waited a moment and finally Carter gave a small nod. She allowed Teal'c to slip his arms around her and gently lift her to her feet.

"Sir?" Her voice was hoarse, from yelling and her sobs, Jack guessed.

"Yeah, Carter?"

"He can't move his legs. I told them but I don't know if they listened. And he doesn't want to eat anymore. I tried to, sir. I did my best." As Jack watched, Carter made an effort to straighten her body, to pull herself to attention.

Jack drew himself to attention. Carter was teetering on the brink--the fine edge between exhaustion and total collapse, but like any good soldier she wasn't going to rest until she knew the mission was over.

"Major," Jack said, command in his tone, "you brought Daniel home. Good job. It's our watch now. You can rest."

"Yes sir," she said. She brought a shaking arm towards her face and Jack returned the half-executed salute. Teal'c scooped Carter in his arms before she sank back to the floor and a nurse scurried beside him as he carried Carter to a bed.

Jack was drawn to the activity around Daniel's bed. He didn't get too close. It looked like chaos, but he knew Janet's staff well. They were the best of the best. Everyone was doing all they could to help Daniel. There was a weak cry from the midst of them and Jack clenched his hand into a fist. He couldn't stay away any longer and he took a few steps closer. One of the nurses stepped away, evidently being sent on a mission by Fraiser and Jack caught a glimpse of Daniel--a pale, thin ghost of his former self.

"Sir," Fraiser said as she looked around. Her mouth was set in a grim line. "Nancy, get that screen up."

Another nurse nodded and dragged one of the privacy screens closer, effectively cutting off Jack's view of the scene.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said, and Jack turned. "Major Carter is sleeping and she is being moved to another room. I thought perhaps..."

"Yeah, T. I'll come along. She shouldn't wake up alone."

****

"Doctor Fraiser," General Hammond acknowledged as Janet came into the small room.

She gave them a smile, despite wishing she had better news to share with them on Daniel's condition. Sam was propped on pillows, looking pale and exhausted but certainly nowhere nearly as debilitated as Daniel.

"How is he, Doc?" Colonel O'Neill asked. It didn't surprise her he was the one who would jump right to the point--not where Daniel, or to be honest, any of his team, was concerned.

"First of all, he's resting comfortably for now." She saw the quick frown the colonel gave to that comment. "His condition is critical but stable." She took a deep breath before continuing. "He's malnourished--his weight is down by almost thirty pounds. He was confused and disoriented earlier but that is resolving."

"He couldn't move his legs," Sam whispered. She looked at Janet. "He was so weak. I tried to help him..." her voice trailed off and she looked away from Janet as if ashamed.

"Sam," Janet said gently, "can you tell me when that first occurred?"

"It's okay, Carter," Colonel O'Neill said when Sam appeared to be unable to speak. "Take your time."

She took a gulp of air and then began to speak in low voice. "After they put us in the prison, the guards...the guards came for the men every day. They never took the women, just the men. They'd return them every evening. Daniel didn't talk, wouldn't talk to me. I don't know what...the men started getting sick. The guards stopped coming for the next few days.. Daniel ran a high fever for a day or two, but then started to recover. They all had the same symptoms. High fever, vomiting, but none of them died from that." She shuddered. Teal'c handed Sam a tissue which she crumpled in her hands, and Janet made a mental note to have Doctor Mackenzie contacted as soon as possible. "The guards came back and started taking the men again. But this time some of the men couldn't go. They were too weak. First they couldn't move their legs, then their hands or arms, and then finally some of them just stopped breathing. Daniel was able to go with them but he didn't eat much. I was lucky to get him to eat more than a few mouthfuls before he'd fall asleep. It got harder and harder for him to move." Sam's composure slipped then. She stopped giving the report as Major Samantha Carter, USAF and became, once again, Daniel's friend. "He woke up one day and couldn't move his legs and it's just been getting worse. Don't let him die, Janet." The last words were whispered, and Janet felt her own eyes fill with tears.

She cleared her throat however and straightened. She couldn't afford to be Sam's or anyone else's friend at the moment. She needed to pull herself together.

"We've discovered what's caused the paralysis and weakness," she said. She pulled out a copy of the scan they'd done on Daniel.

"What are we looking at, Doctor?" General Hammond asked.

"I'm guessing this isn't what we're supposed to see," the colonel commented as he stared at the scan.

"It's not." Janet pointed to the lower portion of the scan. "This."

"And?" Colonel O'Neill asked.

"It's a mass that's attached to Daniel's spinal cord," she explained. "Attached and growing. It's a living organism."

"Growing...that means," Colonel O'Neill stopped and Janet thought for a minute he was going to throw up on General Hammond's shoes.

"Exactly. Unless we can find a way to kill it, halt its growth or remove it, Daniel's paralysis will progress." Janet finished for him.

****

"Sorry," Jack whispered as a nurse tried to avoid tripping over his feet. He sat up straighter in the chair he'd pulled to Daniel's bedside.

"I just need to do some checks," she whispered back. Her attention soon focused on recording data from all the monitors hooked up to Daniel. Jack stood up and then leaned over the bed. Daniel's face was drawn even in sleep. His breath came out in mere puffs--giving Jack the reason for the oxygen canula. The blankets covered Daniel's body, hiding his thin frame, but Jack could see it in the gauntness of Daniel's face, in the boniness of Daniel's still hands. He reached down and covered Daniel's left hand with his own giving it a light squeeze.

"Sir," the nurse said quietly, "his vitals are stable."

Jack nodded his gratitude for the information and resumed his vigil as she left. He hooked the chair with his foot and pulled it closer, never releasing his hold on Daniel's hand.

He wasn't sure what woke him, but Jack opened his eyes to see Daniel watching him.

"Hey," Jack said, unsure if Daniel was truly aware or just in that light state between sleep and wakefulness.

"Jack?" His name came out strained and more of a croak but it was the best sound Jack had heard in three months.

"The one and only," he replied, keeping his tone light.

"Real?" Daniel asked him, his voice quavering and Jack feared, near the edge. "This real?"

"It's real, Daniel," Jack said. He held up their two hands and shook them slightly. "You're home. Sam's safe too. You're both home." To his dismay, Daniel didn't smile as he expected. Instead a single tear made its way down Daniel's cheek and dropped off his chin.

"Home," Daniel repeated as if it was a word he'd never heard before. Jack moved close enough to press the call button. Fraiser or whatever doctor was on duty would want to know Daniel was awake. "Jack?"

"I'm here, Danny," Jack said. "I won't leave." It was enough to satisfy his friend and Daniel closed his eyes, opening them at the approach of Doctor Warner.

"Doctor Jackson," Warner said. "Glad you're back with us."

"Back?" Daniel asked. "Back home?"

"That's right," Doctor Warner said, folding the blanket down over Daniel's chest. He didn't appear overly concerned by Daniel's current confusion. Jack relaxed a fraction at that. He watched as Warner listened to Daniel's heart and lungs. Warner spoke softly as he took one of Daniel's hands. "Can you squeeze my hand, Daniel?"

Jack saw his fingers move a miniscule amount. Warner repeated the same routine with Daniel's other hand and then pulled the blanket up before moving to Daniel's legs. He saw Warner's frown as he asked Daniel to move his legs, to wiggle his toes.

"That's good, Doctor Jackson," Warner said, moving back to the head of the bed and patting Daniel's shoulder. "I'm going to send Captain Keller here with some applesauce. We'll see how that sits in your stomach."

Daniel nodded and closed his eyes again. "Thirsty."

"Ah," Warner said. "We'll get you some water too. We'll try a straw for now." He turned to Jack. "Colonel O'Neill, I have a few questions for you."

Jack took the hint, leaning over Daniel's bed once more and touching his shoulder. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

Daniel didn't open his eyes but nodded his understanding. A kiss was out of the question, but Jack knew no one would look askance at him touching a long lost teammate, so he moved his hand higher, letting it rest on Daniel's cheek. Alive. Daniel was alive--his skin warm under Jack's hand.

"Daniel," Jack whispered once before turning to go with Warner.

****

"Colonel," the soft voice filtered into Jack's consciousness and he opened his eyes to see Fraiser standing by Daniel's bed.

"I was just, ah, resting my eyes," he said and stood up. He looked at Daniel who appeared to be sleeping. "How...?"

"We need to do some more tests, sir. Doctor Zelinski wants to do a biopsy of the mass."

"Biopsy?" Jack pointed to his own back. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"It carries some risk, sir, but we need to know what we're dealing with." She motioned for Jack to step further away from the bed. "At this point, we don't know that."

"And if you don't know what it is, you don't know how to treat it?"

"Exactly, Colonel."

Jack scratched his chin and then glanced back at Daniel. "He's been sleeping a lot. And when he's awake he's not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box."

"He's exhausted, sir. From what Sam said, his sleep patterns were very erratic. The confusion should clear. I think Daniel will probably be more alert by later today." Fraiser touched Jack's arm and he pulled his attention back to her. "Sir, you're going to need to be patient. Once we're able to determine what the organism is and provide treatment, Daniel still will have a long road to recovery."

Jack let his breath out in a whistle before he whispered. "I know, Doc. I know."

  
****

  
"Hey," Daniel said when Jack came into the room.

Jack smiled. At least this morning, Daniel seemed far more alert than he had three days ago. "How are you feeling?"

Daniel shrugged and then winced. Jack made a face in sympathy. "The doctors are having a field day," Daniel said. He rolled his eyes. "I suppose I should be glad they're giving me a break."

Jack looked around. "Yep, coast is clear." He tried not to notice the slightly breathless quality in Daniel's voice. Jack hooked a chair with his foot, pulled it closer and sat down. He reached over the bed rail and took Daniel's thin hand in his. Daniel's only response was to smile as Jack held their entwined hands up.

"I can't feel it, you know," Daniel whispered.

"I know, but I can," Jack said.

Daniel nodded and closed his eyes. "Sam? Is Sam okay?"

"Carter's sleeping, but she's okay. She's gonna be fine." Jack kept his voice low, not wanting to disturb Daniel if he was drifting back to sleep.

"Doctor Jackson." A nurse came to the bed, carrying a tray with what appeared to be applesauce and broth. "It's time for you to eat."

"I think he.." Jack motioned to Daniel's peaceful face.

"I know, sir, but his eating is being closely monitored and we need to stick to a schedule," she said in a sympathetic tone.

"*He's* right here, and resting his eyes, not sleeping," Daniel murmured. He opened his eyes and frowned at the food on the tray.

The nurse smiled and stepped closer, taking the spoon in hand.

"I can do that," Jack offered. He looked at Daniel for confirmation--Daniel who shook his head.

"No," Daniel said. "Please, Jack. Let her do it."

Jack said nothing but nodded agreement. He patted Daniel's shoulder as he stood up. "I'll be back later."

Daniel nodded but kept his eyes fixed on the tray and Jack walked away wondering what he'd done wrong.

****

If General Hammond would allow it, Teal'c believed he would gladly walk through the Stargate and personally see to the destruction of Daniel Jackson and Major Carter's captors. He bowed his head in respectful memory to all those he had harmed or destroyed in his former life. He placed a hand on Major Carter's shoulder as she sat in the chair by Daniel Jackson's bed. General Hammond stood on the other side, with O'Neill near the head of the bed while Doctor Fraiser waited nearby.

"Doctor Jackson," General Hammond said, "Major Carter has reported what she could of your captivity. Doctor Fraiser said you requested to give your report now."

Major Carter's shoulders tensed at the general's words, and Teal'c regretted he could not take away her pain. Daniel Jackson closed his eyes and took two breaths. Teal'c glanced away to look at O'Neill. O'Neill's dark eyes seemed lost in shadow, despair so deep he appeared to be drowning.

"They only wanted the men. The women-- if the men were incapacitated, the women would care for them and not be willing to leave. At least that's what the Ijidi believe."

"Destroy the strong." Teal'c said.

"Yes," Daniel Jackson agreed. He paused a moment. "At first we worked. Processing waste, loading transportation units. Hard work, but nothing like..."

"Daniel?" O'Neill asked when he trailed off.

Wherever their friend had gone in memory, he returned at the sound of O'Neill's voice. When Daniel Jackson spoke again, his voice was stronger, as if he'd reached deep within to find an inner core of metal. "They began the experiments the second week. Those who died at the...those who died in the beginning were the lucky ones."

"The ones who didn't come back," Major Carter whispered. "I didn't..."

"You couldn't have known. I should have told you then. We could have made a plan, figured out a way to escape."

Major Carter turned her head and rested it against Teal'c's hand. He could feel the heat of her tears. "Don't. Daniel, don't."

"It is possible they put a drug in the food or water. Major Carter reported all prisoners were most compliant," Teal'c offered.

Daniel Jackson looked at him and nodded at the possibility.

"What kind of experiments?" O'Neill asked. His hands were now on the bed rail, gripping it so tightly his fingers were turning white.

"Medical experiments. I don't know what they were testing. They don't tell the lab rats that," Daniel Jackson said and made a sound that could have been a laugh or maybe it was a choked back sob. "Medical experiments. Different injections. Different medicines, substances. I can't tell you what any of it was. But some of the men...when someone died, those of us left needed to take the bodies to the..." he stopped again. No one spoke and the only sound was that of his labored breathing.

"Maybe we should finish this another time, sir," Doctor Fraiser said to General Hammond.

"No!" Daniel Jackson's voice is surprisingly strong. "I want to do it now. You need to know before anyone goes back there."

A quick glance was exchanged between O'Neill and the general unseen by anyone but Teal'c.

"They did autopsies. I saw. I helped take the bodies there. But sometimes. Sometimes they started before." Daniel Jackson's body may have been immobile in an infirmary bed at the SGC, but Teal'c was sure his mind was back on the world of the Ijidi, in the prison. "They didn't care. We were just animals to them. Worthless. Useful only in our contribution to their pursuit of science or whatever it was they were using us for. They didn't listen to me, to any of us when we told them some of the men were still alive. It was as though we didn't even exist." He turned his head slightly to look at Major Carter. "Please, Sam. Don't let them do that to me. Make sure I'm dead before they can touch me."

"I promise, Daniel," she whispered, leaning forward to touch her forehead to his. "I promise."

"You're home, Daniel," O'Neill said, but Teal'c wondered if the words penetrated the horrors reflected in Daniel Jackson's eyes.

"Jack?"

"You're home."

Daniel Jackson took a breath and looked around his bed. "I am," he said although his voice held little confidence.

"You are," Teal'c reminded him. "You are home, my brother."

"Good. That's good." Daniel Jackson said before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

  
****

Jack watched as Colonel Mayer and the rest of his team came through the Gate. Behind them the wormhole disappeared, the iris slammed shut. Jack said nothing as he followed General Hammond down to the Gate room.

"Sir?" Mayer asked.

"Doctor Jackson shared some information with us. We thought it prudent that your team return home," General Hammond said. "Debriefing in thirty minutes."

"Yes sir," Mayer said before he turned to Jack. "What's going on?"

"From what Daniel and Carter have been able to tell us so far, the prisoners were used for medical experimentation."

"Medical experimentation?" Mayer looked sick.

Jack knew how he felt. After Daniel's report, he'd found a bathroom and tossed his lunch. Whatever it was the Ijidi had put in Daniel continued to grow. Fraiser reported the alien organism was now affecting Daniel's kidneys and she was beginning dialysis. Meanwhile Jack could do nothing to help but sit by and watch Daniel waste away and Carter blame herself for not preventing it.

Jack nodded to Mayer. "Any information your team has, anything you've gathered, we're going to need it all."

"We'll do what we can to help, Jack," Mayer said. "Doctor Jackson's a good man." He motioned to his team and they left the Gate room.

A good man, Jack thought. And even if he hadn't been--if he'd been a prisoner for breaking a law---would it have made it right? Would anyone deserve what Daniel was experiencing, good man or no? Jack stared at the quiescent Gate and wished he knew the answer. Before stepping through the Gate, his world had been painted in black and white and now thanks to it and to one Daniel Jackson, black and white more often muddied to gray.

  
****

  
"Carter."

Sam turned when Colonel O'Neill said her name. She stuffed the tissue she'd been using in her jacket pocket. Thankfully, the colonel made no comment about her reddened nose or her still tearing eyes.

He came to sit beside her at the observation window and she didn't miss the small groan he gave as he lowered himself to the chair. He said nothing more, but leaned forward, elbows on knees and studied the still form of their friend in the isolation room.

He looks so tired, Sam thought as she glanced at her commanding officer. Daniel's fight against the alien organism had been hell on all of them but Sam knew the colonel had been at Daniel's side almost constantly. Not only there for Daniel, but he'd been a pillar of strength for her as well. When Janet had released her from the infirmary two days ago, it had been Colonel O'Neill who had seen her settled in a VIP room. He'd listened to her more formal report and allowed her to cry on his shoulder when the telling became hard.

"I'm sorry, sir," she said. She couldn't look at him, kept her eyes fixed straight ahead.

"Carter," he said, her name tight and clipped.

"I failed Daniel. It was my job as the military officer to get us out of that situation and I failed. I know I..." She stopped as Colonel O'Neill put his hand on her forearm and dared to look at him. "Sir?"

He held up his other hand with index finger raised. "Listen to me. For once, turn off your brain and listen. This is not your fault. It's not Daniel's fault. It's the fault of those bastards who did this to him. And to you. You kept yourselves alive. That's all I could have asked for." He paused and Sam ducked her head as she felt her eyes fill with tears again.

"I don't want him to die," Sam said. "I can't...he doesn't...I don't want him to die."

Colonel O'Neill closed his hand around her wrist, his fingers warm and strong. "I don't either, Carter. So let's figure out a way to save him."

****

"Colonel? Jack?"

Jack sat up straight as his name registered on his fuzzy thoughts. He resisted the urge to rub at his eyes, thinking Fraiser would take it as yet another sign that he should be at home resting his ass in bed instead of sitting vigil at Daniel's bedside. "Problem?" he asked as his heart seemed to jumpstart.

"No sir. Just doing Daniel's labs and his vitals," Fraiser said.

Jack nodded and pushed his chair back to allow her easier access. He knew the monitors could give her most of the information she needed but he appreciated that she took the time to place a hand on Daniel's shoulder, to speak softly to his partner.

He stood, easily able to see over Fraiser's shoulder. Daniel's condition had deteriorated rapidly over the past eighteen hours. He'd been placed on a respirator and had slipped into a coma. The last scans had shown the organism was sending tendrils into the brain.

"Doc?" Jack said when she paused in writing her notes. He watched as she moved her hand to Daniel's forehead, resting it there as if checking for fever.

"We think we might have a possible way to fight this, sir," she said before she turned to face him.

Jack stared at her a moment. "Then why aren't you starting it? He's dying from this thing."

"It's still an experimental drug, one our scientists have been working on for a number of years, one that we've been trying to develop to kill the Goa'uld symbiotes. It hasn't been used on humans, sir. And Daniel will require massive doses to hopefully kill the organism."

"And it could kill him along with it," Jack finished. "That's what you're saying, Doc, isn't it?"

She nodded. "It is. We don't know what the possible side effects might be. Think of it as a cancer fighting drug--one that will kill the invader but may also destroy healthy cells with it."

Jack looked at Daniel, pale, thin, weaker than Jack could ever remember seeing him. "So what would be the plan?"

"We believe that the drug will kill the organism or at least weaken it to the state where we can operate to remove it from Daniel's body. Currently it has embedded itself into his spinal column and some of his major organs. By weakening its hold, we can remove it without damaging Daniel's body."

"Except you don't know what damage it's already done," Jack said. He gripped the bed rail. "I need to make this decision don't I?"

"You do, sir. Daniel made you his legal medical proxy three years ago."

Jack nodded. "Do it." He released his hands and stepped back from the bed. "Do it."

"Yes sir," Fraiser said. She looked at him, her eyes filled with compassion. "We're going to keep him in isolation for the treatment, sir. For his protection and the protection of other personnel."

"Can I?" He motioned to Daniel.

"A few minutes, sir," she said in understanding.

Jack waited as Fraiser stepped away from the bed and then he bent close to Daniel's ear. "You're gonna make it through this, Daniel. You're home and I expect you to stay for a long, long time." He brushed a finger over Daniel's sunken cheek. "Come back to me. Grow old with me." He pressed his forehead to Daniel's. "Come all the way home." He straightened then and watched as Fraiser came back with some of her staff.

"Sir, you'll have to leave now." Fraiser said.

"Yeah," Jack said. He walked out of the room without a glance backwards. Daniel damn well better have heard him.

****

"General Hammond?" Jack stood up as his commanding officer entered the observation room.

"At ease, Colonel," Hammond said and motioned for Jack to resume his seat. "How's Doctor Jackson doing today? I haven't had a chance to speak to Doctors Fraiser or Warner for an update."

Jack stared out the window. Even more medical equipment surrounded Daniel, although the actual treatment itself involved nothing more than an IV bag being emptied into Daniel's bloodstream. "He's holding his own, sir." Jack rubbed his forehead, a headache blossoming behind his eyes.

"Colonel," Hammond began. "Jack. I need you and Teal'c to go off-world at 1700 today. SG-7's run into some problems with the negotiations on P9W-112 and the parliament is insisting on the presence of SG1 to resolve it."

Jack looked at him, unable to keep himself from glancing at his watch. Seven hours from now. "What time is the briefing?"

"At 1500." Hammond said, getting to his feet. Jack followed his movement.

"I'll be there, sir."

"I know you will, Colonel O'Neill."

Jack stepped closer to the window when Hammond left. He held his hand up, pressing it against the cold glass. "You'd better be here when I get home, Daniel," he whispered and then he left, knowing his duty.

  
****

Jack stood in the Gateroom watching the chevrons light up. There was a commotion behind him. He and Teal'c both turned only to see Carter coming towards them, suited up to accompany them.

"Carter?"

"Janet cleared me. General Hammond gave his permission." She stood with legs braced as if waiting for a verbal blow.

"Uh, General?" Jack pointed to Carter and then the Gate.

"Doctor Fraiser assured me that Major Carter was capable of going on this mission, Colonel." Hammond said into the microphone.

Jack nodded and then looked back at Carter. So that was why she'd attended the briefing. He looked at Teal'c, wondering.

"You know about this, big guy?" he asked.

"Major Carter and I discussed the possibility after the briefing, O'Neill," Teal'c said and bowed his head.

"Hello? Colonel here," Jack said and made a show of looking at his uniform. "Mind telling me why no one thought to inform me?"

Carter looked away, something he rarely saw her do, but he exchanged a glance with Teal'c and understanding dawned.

"Getting back on the horse, huh, Carter?" he asked softly. The barely perceptible movement of her shoulders let him know he'd assessed it correctly.

The whoosh of the wormhole's formation broke the moment and Jack gave a jaunty salute to Hammond before leading Carter and Teal'c through the Stargate.

  
****

"Lucy, I'm home," Jack called as SG1 stopped on the ramp and the wormhole blinked shut behind them sixty three hours later. Beside him, Carter swayed. Teal'c' put out a hand to steady her as they moved off the ramp and down to greet General Hammond.

"Treaty, signed, sealed, and delivered, sir," Jack said, presenting Hammond with an elaborately decorated cylinder containing the copies of the treaty. Hammond took it with a grave nod.

"Daniel, sir?" Carter asked before Jack could. "Is Daniel..."

"Doctor Fraiser reported that the organism is dying," Hammond said. It was what he didn't say that had alarm bells ringing in Jack's brain. However the small bit of hope seemed to perk Carter up and she definitely needed perking up.

"De-briefing in thirty minutes," Hammond said. "Welcome home."

Jack waited until Carter and Teal'c left the Gateroom and then began to walk out beside Hammond. "Sir?"

"It's not good, Colonel. The organism is dying, but Doctor Fraiser is concerned Doctor Jackson may not tolerate the final treatments."

Jack felt slightly light-headed at that pronouncement.

"Go see him before the de-brief, Jack," Hammond said softly.

"Thank you, sir," Jack said, surprised his voice sounded strong when he felt as though his throat would close up from emotion.

  
****  
Daniel looked much the same as he had before SG1 had been sent on their mission to Lotharan. Jack curled his hand into a fist and held it on the glass. Carter and Teal'c were there too and Jack suspected the only thing keeping Carter on her feet was the arm Teal'c had wrapped around her.

Doctor Fraiser looked up towards them, the mask covering her mouth and nose also hiding her expression.

"Welcome back, sir, Sam, Teal'c," she said then, speaking into the intercom. "Daniel, your team is home. They want to talk to you."

Jack looked at Teal'c and Carter and then motioned for Carter to take the mike. "Go ahead," he said quietly. "I can wait."

She smiled at him and then leaned forward. "Daniel. Daniel, it's me, Sam. I...please Daniel. Hang in there." She pushed away from the mike, stepping backwards, her hand held over her mouth, tears in her eyes. Jack grabbed her arm to keep her upright.

"Carter, go get your shower and then to your quarters," Jack told her. She opened her mouth to protest and he raised a finger. "No. That's a not a request, Major. It's an order. Understood?"

"Understood, sir."

"DanielJackson, it is I, Teal'c. DoctorFraiser is a fine physician. You must not disappoint her by not getting well. Fight well, my brother. I will return when I am able." Teal'c moved away and Jack waited until he closed the door. He was sure Teal'c was following Carter and would make sure she made it safely to her quarters.

"Hey, Daniel," he said and wished he could hold Daniel's hand in his, lend some of his strength to Daniel to fight. "Fraiser says I can talk to you, but you know me." He drummed his fingers on the table. "I have a de-briefing with General Hammond in fifteen minutes. And then...well, you rest easy, okay?"

"Sir?" Fraiser's voice startled him. "After the de-brief, I'll allow you some time with Daniel. Report to Captain Jennings and she'll get you suited up."

"Thank you, Doc," Jack said although his mind raced ahead. Was it only because Daniel's condition was so grave that she was going to allow him access? Or was it because she thought his presence might somehow reach Daniel? Jack rubbed his forehead and cleared his throat.

"You hear that, Daniel? Doc here is gonna let me in to see you. What should I sneak in? Beer? Pizza? Thai? You pick it." Jack put a fist on the table and rested his chin on it, watching and waiting until it was time for his meeting with General Hammond.

****

"What's all this, Doc?" Jack asked as he stood by Daniel's bed, gowned and masked. He didn't remember quite this many tubes before they'd left for their mission. Although he wouldn't let Fraiser know, the sight alarmed him. He pointed to the most obvious of the tubes.

"We needed to insert a feeding tube," Fraiser explained, her voice soft. "Right now this is the best way for Daniel to get the nutrients he needs. This," she said, pointing to one of the other lines snaking into Daniel, "is giving him the medication to kill the organism. He's getting the last dose now. It did the job."

Jack nodded and reached out to touch Daniel's head, stopping short and looking at Fraiser.

"It's okay to touch him, sir. The masks, gowns, and gloves are to protect Daniel from us, not the other way round."

Even though her mouth was hidden by a mask, Jack could tell she was smiling from the way her eyes were crinkled at the edges. He moved his hand lower, letting it rest on the top of Daniel's head. There was hair on the pillow and he swore that Daniel's hair looked thinner than it had the last time he'd seen his partner. Fraiser hadn't seen fit to mention it though so Jack mentally put it aside. "Hey there, buddy." He stroked Daniel's hair, his breath coming out in a gasp when the strands came away under his glove. "Janet?" Forget protocol, he needed the comfort of a friend.

"It's one of the side effects of the drug, Jack," she said. "His hair will grow back."

Jack touched Daniel again, and swallowed hard as more hair came away.

"Sir, I know this is hard," Fraiser said, all professional. "Daniel is fighting this. He's going to need your support."

"He has my support," Jack said. "No matter what, he has my support."  
He looked at Fraiser and hoped she could read his expression. "I just want him to live."

Fraiser nodded and moved close to touch Jack's forearm. "I know, sir. And I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he does."

  
****

"MajorCarter."

Sam turned to face Teal'c and then turned back to watching Daniel and the colonel through the observation window. "Doctor Warner removed the organism successfully," she said, surprised at how flat her voice sounded. Surely she should feel happier.

Teal'c sat down in the chair beside hers. "That is a good thing, is it not?"

Colonel O'Neill leaned forward in his chair by Daniel's bed and placed his elbows on his knees and his head in his cupped hands. He looked like he was praying.

"Janet says the fact that he made it through the operation is a hopeful sign," Sam said. She made her left hand into a fist and ground the knuckles into her thigh. Not enough pain, not nearly enough. "But there's been no change in his level of consciousness. There's a chance that..."

"DanielJackson will survive," Teal'c said with assurance.

Sam wanted to hit him for the confidence in that statement. Daniel looked so frail. He was propped on one side and Sam had been shocked to see that his hair was gone. One of the nurses had explained it was a side effect of the medicine they'd used to kill the organism but it was still a shock. Daniel looked almost alien, pale and small. They should have tried to escape she thought. If they'd escaped, if they had gotten away from the Ijidi, Daniel wouldn't be lying there now. He'd be in his lab, studying God knew what, laughing with them in the commissary, walking through the Gate on a mission to who knew where. If, if, if. It was a refrain that accompanied her heartbeat.

"MajorCarter." Teal'c's voice was warm and silken, a balm to shattered sense, dark chocolate and the promise of safety. "Samantha."

"This isn't fair," she said and scrubbed at the tears dampening her cheeks. "We can't have gotten home for him to die."

"Do you not believe in DanielJackson's strength?"

Sam stared at Teal'c. "Of course I..." She looked away then to stare at her hands. "No," she admitted in a small voice.

"You must have hope," Teal'c said and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I think hope died in that prison, Teal'c." Sam twisted her fingers in each other. "I don't know how to believe any longer."

"Then I shall do it for you until you able," he said and for the moment it was enough.

  
****

He'd been kicked out of the isolation room some time ago and Jack found himself wandering the halls of the SGC at...he looked at his watch...0246. Fraiser's admonition to get some sleep went unheeded. It wasn't that he hadn't tried. He thought going to Daniel's office might work, but the room held too many memories and too many ghosts. He completed the paperwork in his inbox and made sure every pencil was perfectly aligned too. But Jack still couldn't sleep. He checked on Carter and Teal'c.

Candles burned brightly in Teal'c's quarters. Teal'c looked up, his face impassive while Carter slept on a small cot.

"O'Neill," Teal'c acknowledged with a bow of his head. "Perhaps you wish to join me in meditation?"

Jack shook his head and backed out of the room. Not his thing. So not his thing. And for some reason he couldn't bring his jangled thoughts into the haven of serenity Teal'c had created.

So he wandered, ignoring the curious looks he got from a passing airman or two, and then found he quite simply couldn't make his body move anymore. He looked at the door in front of him in surprise. He knew there was a chapel on base of course. He'd just never found himself at it before. He opened the door and stepped inside. There were a few padded benches, a few comfortable chairs, a small niche that held a perpetual light and a small table in the front of the room.

"So," Jack whispered into the silence because it seemed like he should say something. "It's me." The quiet continued, not that he expected anyone to answer. He sat down on one of the padded benches and leaned against the smooth wood back. He looked up to the ceiling where someone had painted a night sky peppered with stars. "Please," Jack said before his voice caught roughly. He closed his eyes and to his horror, felt a hot tear trickle across his cheek and down to his ear. He brought up a hand to cover his face in shame.

"Jack," he thought he heard a voice say and then again quieter until it was nothing more than the sound of a heartbeat or an ocean wave, "Jack, rest." He let his hand fall to his side, the weight of it suddenly too much to bear and surrendered to the need for sleep.

  
****

"How's Doctor Jackson this morning?" Janet asked Captain Trent as she entered the isolation room. She stood by his bed and scanned the monitors. She nodded in satisfaction at what she saw.

"He had an uneventful night," Captain Trent said. "Doctor Warner did a neuro check two hours ago." She handed Janet the chart and waited.

"Looks like Doctor Jackson is trying to wake up," Janet said a moment later after reading Warner's notes. She leaned over the bed. "Daniel! Open your eyes." She was rewarded with a sliver of blue that quickly disappeared. She looked at the notes again. "He's been fighting the respirator?"

Captain Trent nodded. "Shall I call respiratory therapy to do a reset?"

Janet nodded. "Put in a call. I'd like to start weaning him from the vent as soon as possible. We'll have to see if he has the strength to breathe on his own."

Captain Trent walked away and Janet looked at her patient. Only a few wisps of hair remained on his head and he was still deathly pale. His right hand rested on top of the sheet and she took it in hers. His fingers were cold and thin. She squeezed his hand almost without thought, a quiet gesture of reassurance and looked up in surprise when his fingers curled around hers in response. "Daniel, squeeze my hand," she ordered and smiled when he did it again. His grip was weak but it had been a definite response to her command. "Let's wake up soon, Daniel. You have a lot of people who want to see you," she told him as she began her exam.

  
****

Two days. Two days since Fraiser had made her announcement that Daniel was beginning to emerge from his coma and that he was being weaned from the vent. Jack sat by Daniel's bed, finishing a last bit of paperwork. He slapped shut the folder and placed it on the pile on the bedside table.

"Just you and me now, Daniel," Jack said as he leaned closer and took Daniel's hand in his. "You have any idea why Carter needs one hundred boxes of rubber bands?" He rubbed the slack hand with his thumb. "See, that's what I thought too. No reason." He listened to the now familiar sound of the ventilator. Although Daniel now opened his eyes and responded to a few simple commands, he continued to need a machine to help him breathe. Fraiser wasn't sure if it was a sign of damage that had been done by the alien organism or if it was simply Daniel needing more time to heal. Jack knew Fraiser and Warner had discussed the possibility of doing a tracheotomy but were trying to hold off. "You gonna let me see those baby blues today? Huh?" Jack sighed when there was no response, then he tried again. "Open your eyes, Daniel." He grinned when Daniel's eyelids fluttered and then opened. "Over here, Daniel," he continued when Daniel did nothing more than stare into space. Daniel turned his head slightly and looked at Jack.

"Look at that. I try for years to get you to obey orders and it takes all this time for you to learn how to do it," Jack said and squeezed Daniel's hand. He doubted Daniel was understanding much more than a word or two, but there was recognition in his eyes which was more than Jack could have said a day ago. Jack reached out to touch Daniel's forehead, ready to brush away bangs that were no longer there. The skin was smooth under his fingertips and Jack smiled as Daniel closed his eyes at the caress. "Yeah, I know, Danny. This is hard work. You just rest. I'll be here when you wake up again and then we'll have a nice talk."

  
****

General Hammond stood at the bottom of the ramp as Jack, Carter, and Teal'c came through the Gate on their latest mission. Jack slowed his steps as he saw their CO waiting. Please don't let it be Daniel, Jack thought. He schooled his face to betray no emotion.

"Sir," Jack said. For once he didn't feel like joking. Maybe it was worry or maybe it was just exhaustion from the mission.

"Welcome home, SG1," Hammond said. "Debriefing immediately following your post mission exams," he continued.

Jack nodded and saw Carter do the same while Teal'c merely bowed his head in acknowledgement.

"And, SG1," Hammond said then, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth, "I think there's someone in the infirmary who will be happy to see all of you."

Hammond's pronouncement had the effect of renewing Jack's energy and he could sense it in the others too.

"Thank you, sir," Jack said and then coughed to hide the roughness in his voice.

Jack didn't think he'd ever been quite so eager to go for a post mission exam, but the thought that Daniel was awake and waiting for him, for all of them to return made the trip worthwhile.

He walked into the infirmary and scanned the room, searching for a sign that Daniel was there. A curtain was drawn around a bed near the back of the room and Jack felt drawn to it. He made his way towards it, conscious of Carter and Teal'c at his back.

He stopped just before the curtain and cleared his throat. Voices were coming from behind the curtain but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Knock, knock," he finally said, raising his voice to be heard.

"Colonel O'Neill," Fraiser's voice came from behind the curtain and then she appeared. "Welcome home, sir. Sam, Teal'c." She said to the others with a nod of her head.

"Is Daniel...?" Jack left the question unfinished but thrust his chin in the direction of the curtain.

"Yes he is, sir," Fraiser smiled at all of them. "Post mission exams first." She pointed at two nearby beds. "But there's no reason you can't have company while you wait your turns."

They sat down on the beds and waited while Fraiser disappeared behind the curtain. She appeared a moment later and beckoned to Jack.

"Doc?" He asked as he got to his feet. "Is there a problem?"

"No sir," she said. "I think Daniel is feeling a bit overwhelmed," she continued in a quieter voice.

Jack nodded and took the few steps to go to Daniel's side. He didn't know what he was going to say, didn't know what to expect. Daniel was in a reclining chair next to his bed. The vent was gone, Jack noticed the absence of the familiar sound almost before he registered anything else.

"Danny," Jack whispered and then he was moving to gather his friend in a gentle embrace, heedless of any audience. He knew Fraiser would understand anyway. So thin, Jack thought as Daniel's head rested heavily on his shoulder, so thin, he thought as he stroked his hand up Daniel's back. Daniel's breath came out in warm puffs against the skin of Jack's neck. "Daniel," he said again. He moved his hand up to touch the smooth skin of Daniel's head.

Daniel moved his head then, pushing up slightly. It was enough for Jack to move his hand again, cradling Daniel's head and neck to gently lay him back against the padded surface of the chair.

"Jjjj..." Daniel made the sound but wasn't able to get the whole name out. Jack looked at Fraiser in alarm. She shook her head and motioned to the side. Later, the gesture meant. We'll talk later.

"So buddy, how's it going? Look at you. Sitting up in this chair. What do you say? Think I should get one like this for home?" Jack knew he was babbling.

Daniel smiled at him and Jack looked down in surprise as Daniel covered his hand with his own. "Shhh..r."

Jack frowned and then he saw Daniel waggle his finger from side to side. "Share? I don't think so, buddy. I get this baby home, it's mine, all mine."

"Uh," Daniel grunted. He sighed then and closed his eyes. "Tttirrr..."

"Yeah, I guess so," Jack said. "I'll be back a little later, okay?" He looked up at Fraiser who made a point of looking away and then Jack bent close to place a kiss on Daniel's temple.

  
****

Janet looked at the people seated around the briefing table. She took a moment to straighten the open folder before her and then waited for Hammond's acknowledgement. He gave a small nod and she nodded back.

"Thank you, sir," she said. She smiled briefly before beginning her report. "The alien organism implanted in Doctor Jackson has been totally eradicated. No trace of it remains. The incision made to remove the alien's remains is healing nicely and Doctor Warner will remove the stitches in two days time. Despite the organism's invasion of Doctor Jackson's brain and spinal cord, Doctor Reinhart is confident that there has been no neurological damage. His kidneys are now also functioning at one hundred percent so we have been able to discontinue dialysis."

"His speech? What about his speech?" Colonel O'Neill asked. "And what does lasting effects mean?" The pencil in his hand cracked under the pressure he was giving it.

"Colonel," General Hammond said softly, but Janet shook her head slightly.

"It's a good question, sir." She folded her hands and leaned forward. "There are a number of factors combining to complicate Doctor Jackson's recovery. His physical state when he and Major Carter were rescued was critical. Malnourishment is responsible for some of his inability to move in addition to the organism's causing a temporary paralysis. He's quite debilitated and time alone will help his recovery. Although Daniel's coma was not caused by any sort of brain injury, he has experienced serious trauma. The experimental drug we used to kill the organism was used at an extremely high dosage. That also is a contributing factor to his continued weakness. His muscle control is very poor at this point due to what I just mentioned. In addition, he's at increased risk for infections at this time."

"So what happens next, Janet?" Sam asked, her voice almost a whisper, not like the confident Air Force officer Janet was used to seeing.

"Daniel needs to be transferred to a rehab facility at the Academy Hospital." Janet noticed Colonel O'Neill open his mouth and she held up her hand. "Sir, it is the only option we have for Daniel at this time. Daniel needs to relearn how to talk, to eat, to walk. He needs to rebuild his strength so he can return to the SGC."

"To SG1," Teal'c said.

Janet was silent and she swore she could feel Colonel O'Neill's anger. But it was her job to deliver news no matter how unpleasant. "At this point, we're not sure if Daniel will be able to rejoin SG1."

"You said there isn't any neurological damage, that he can recover," Colonel O'Neill said.

"Yes I did, sir. I want everyone to be prepared. Daniel certainly should be able to return to a functional, productive state, but..."

"Psychological damage," General Hammond said.

"Possibly, sir. And it's possible that he will not be able to recover his full strength."

"That means it's possible he will," Colonel O'Neill said and pushed his chair back from the table.

"Yes it does. This isn't going to be easy for him, for anyone who cares about him. It's going to take a lot of hard work on Daniel's part and a lot of support for him on all of ours." Janet finished. She closed the folder. "But I will say that Daniel does have an excellent support system and I've seen that alone be the vital factor in a person's recovery from trauma." She looked at each of them in turn. "If anyone has any questions?"

"When's the transfer, Doc? And next, does Daniel know about it?" Colonel O'Neill asked while he put the broken pencil pieces into a little pile.

"We'll arrange for the transfer to take place tomorrow morning. I'll be discussing it with Daniel after this meeting."

"I wanna be there, Doc."

"I knew you would, sir." Janet said and smiled at him. Somehow she thought the whole conversation was going to go easier with Colonel O'Neill along for the ride.

  
****

"Excellent job, Daniel," Marcus said as he lowered Daniel's leg to the bed.

Excellent? Daniel thought. How can it be excellent when all I did was lie here like a lump? He hated the way his voice sounded now, his speech slurred and slow as if he was drunk, but good manners dictated he still make the attempt to communicate with Marcus. "Thhhaannn...yyyyou."

"You're welcome, Daniel," Marcus said. He pushed the button to raise the head of the bed. "Let's get you out of bed and in the chair for a little bit, okay?"

"Ohhh..." Daniel settled for nodding instead. Marcus swiveled Daniel's body and Daniel felt himself go forward against Marcus' shoulder. He hated the feeling of helplessness, of being unable to have control over his own body any longer.

"Ready? On three," Marcus said. "One, two, three." And smoothly and efficiently, Daniel was transferred to the reclining chair. At least when he was sitting in the chair, he felt as though he had a little more dignity. Not that Daniel believed he had much pride left. Sam had cared for him on Ijidi when he'd lost the ability to do that for himself, and now nurses and doctors and therapists knew every inch of his body and took care of his most intimate needs.

"You gonna be okay, sir?" Marcus asked from his crouch next to the chair.

"Cccc.Ccccol," Daniel managed to say.

"Got it." Marcus reached for a blanket and tucked it around Daniel. "That should help." He checked his watch. "I'll be back at thirteen hundred to do another session." He placed a call button near Daniel's hand. "Just in case you need someone before they come to do a check."

Daniel watched him go, envious at the simple ability of walking away. He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the infirmary. Just ordinary everyday sounds of people doing their jobs. He drifted for awhile and tried to imagine himself lying under the warm sun, far away from the infirmary.

The rapid click of heels on the concrete floor followed by the heavier clump of boots made him open his eyes.

"Jackkkkk. Jannnnn."

They both smiled at him, although Jack's quick glance to the side when Daniel attempted to smile back alerted him that something was up.

"We need to talk, Daniel," Janet said. She stepped closer and placed her hand over his.

Daniel shook his head, sure he wasn't going to like whatever it was she had to say.

"Just listen to her, Daniel," Jack said. He bent close, his breath ghosting across Daniel's ear. His shoulder touched Daniel's, a small bit of comfort in the clinical atmosphere.

"The treatment to kill the organism was successful and we believe there's no lasting damage from it, but you need time to recover from all of this, Daniel. I'd like to transfer you to the rehab unit at the Academy Hospital. We can't provide the level of treatment you need here at the SGC." Janet finished.

She was silent, waiting, Daniel guessed, for a response from him. To his horror, he felt his eyes sting and then a hot tear make its way down his cheek.

"Can you leave us alone for awhile, Doc?" Jack said to Daniel's left.

Daniel didn't hear her response; he didn't even know if she did respond other than to walk away and pull the curtain around his bed.

"Sss...ssss..." Daniel tried to apologize, but he couldn't get his mouth to move the way he wanted even though the words were right there ready to be spoken.

"Ah, Danny," Jack said and pulled him slightly forward. Jack moved his hand up to Daniel's neck, supporting it as Daniel lowered his head to Jack's shoulder. "Don't apologize, okay?"

Daniel wasn't able to respond. He rested his head on Jack's shoulder, the fabric of Jack's t-shirt soft under his cheek. The tears wouldn't stop even though he wanted them to. He moved his arm, awkward and slow as if it wasn't really a part of him, but Jack seemed to anticipate his need and grabbed a tissue for him. He wiped at Daniel's face but otherwise was silent and still, just being there, a solid presence.

The tears slowed, much to Daniel's relief but he made no effort to lift his head from Jack's shoulder. Jack rubbed his back, his hand a warm comforting weight.

"H...home." There, that word came out strong, Daniel thought. Maybe because the need to go there was so great. He missed home. He missed being able to do what he wanted, when he wanted.

"Not yet, Daniel," Jack whispered. "You gotta get stronger first, buddy."

"Nnnno bbbbud," Daniel said.

"No. I know," Jack said then, before he moved a little and kissed the top of Daniel's head. "Stud muffin?" he whispered.

It was enough to make Daniel smile even though he wasn't quite ready to laugh.

"Doc said they can help you learn to eat and talk again."

"Wwwaaall?"

"And walk." Jack said, his voice calm and sure. "It's gonna be hard work, Daniel, but we're gonna be there for you."

Daniel nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah," Jack echoed and hugged him closer. Daniel closed his eyes and imagined he was already home.

  
****

"Sir?"

Jack looked up from studying his piece of pie to see Carter standing at his table. "Carter? There some kind of problem?"

She glanced away, her gaze skittering around the busy commissary.

"Carter," Jack said again, deliberately speaking more quietly.

"I'm sorry, sir. Just..." She shifted her weight to her right leg as if she was uncomfortable.

And there went her focus again, off to the side. Jack sighed inwardly. He pushed the chair out with his foot and motioned with his fork. "Sit, Carter. And yes, that's an order," he added before she could object. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

"I don't think Janet should send Daniel away. He's had rehab here at the SGC before. Teal'c has too. We all have." She leaned forward, her mouth set in a firm line. "Why can't I, I mean, we...Why can't it be done here?"

So that was it, Jack thought. Carter might have looked fine on the surface but the mission had been hell on her too. Her little slip proved that.

"He's only going to the Academy Hospital," Jack said. He wasn't exactly happy with the way things worked out either, but it was what Daniel needed at the moment. "He's not going to be that far away."

Carter twisted her fingers together on the table. "What if they..." and then she took a deep breath and looked up. "Never mind, sir. I know this is what Daniel needs."

Jack shook his head. "It's not gonna work, Carter. I know my team too well." He leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. "I know a hell of a lot went wrong on that planet. A lot of stuff that never should have happened to anyone. I also know you did the best you could with what you had. You didn't put Daniel in this position. He didn't put himself there. The Ijidi did. Right now our focus for SG1 has to be on getting Daniel back on his feet and you getting back on yours." He held up a hand when Carter opened her mouth to object. "I know the signs of Post Traumatic Stress when I see them, Carter. And believe me, throwing yourself into work isn't going to make the nightmares go away on their own. So as your commanding officer, I'm telling you, you go to Mackenzie, you talk it out or scream it out and you get better. Daniel goes off to the Academy Hospital to build up his strength and relearns how to walk and talk and he gets better. Teal'c and I hold down the fort here. And then sometime in the future, we all go through the Gate together. Understood?"

Carter's lips turned up at the corners, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless and nodded.

It was a shaky start to restoring SG1 but it was a beginning. The first step in what Jack thought was going to be a long journey.

  
****

"Doc?" Jack stopped his pacing as Fraiser walked down the hall towards him. She quickened her pace to get to his side.

"Doctor Jackson is settled in his room," she explained. "The transfer went well."

Jack nodded and looked over her head, down the hallway. He'd accompanied a medic and Daniel in the ambulance. Although the drive wasn't as long as Jack's commute to his own house, it seemed as though it took three times as long. Daniel had remained silent along with the medic. Fraiser met them at the hospital doors and before Jack had a chance to say goodbye, Daniel was rolled down the hall to the rehab wing.

"They'll do assessments for the remainder of the morning and the afternoon, sir," Fraiser said. "You'll be able to come back later today, although I doubt Daniel will be up to much company."

"Yeah, I remember my own experiences with the rehab specialists from hell," Jack commented. He knew Daniel was most likely going to be sound asleep by the time he had the chance to visit in the evening.

"They're good people, Colonel. They know their jobs and they're going to get Daniel back on his feet," Fraiser said with a tinge of pride in her voice.

"I know they are, Doc," Jack assured her. And if he knew Daniel, and he was pretty sure he did, his partner was going to be working as hard as he could to regain everything he'd lost as quickly as possible.

  
****

Daniel didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be in this room, in another facility, still dependent on others for his basic needs. He wanted to be home. He wanted to stay up until three in the morning and eat cold pizza for breakfast. He wanted to sleep until noon and then laze on the deck with the sun shining on his face. He wanted...God he wanted to be himself again.

Okay, pity party over, Jackson, he told himself sternly. He turned his head to look across the room where there was a window. A window. It was months since he'd been able to see grass or sunshine or rain or trees. And now he had a window that looked out onto a lawn. There were trees--aspens, he thought, with their leaves dancing in what must have been a gentle breeze, and grass. Grass so green and lush, he thought it must feel like a carpet. Blue sky, glorious, glorious blue. Blue so clear and vibrant it made his heart ache with the beauty of it. He felt as though he could stare out the window all day and still not absorb all of the view he craved. He turned away reluctantly when he heard voices outside of his room. There was a knock at his door even though the door wasn't closed.

"Doctor Jackson? May we come in?"

Daniel nodded and watched the woman and man approach.

"I'm Captain Quentin, sir," the woman said with a warm smile. "I'll be in charge of your physical therapy."

"Hi," Daniel said, not wanting to risk trying to say more than that.

"Luke Nguyen," the man said and grinned. "I make you sweat the small stuff. Occupational therapist. Nice to meet you."

"You too," Daniel answered.

"What do you say we get to work right now?" Captain Quentin asked. "We have all kinds of tests we want to give you. And you haven't even met your speech therapist yet." She rubbed her hands in mock glee.

Daniel nodded. Just his luck, he got the two comedians on the staff.

Hours later, Daniel wasn't as sure his first assessment of Luke and Polly, he'd found out her name as she'd put him through a series of range of motion exercises, had been correct. They might have well developed senses of humor, using it to motivate, but they also were going to make him work harder than he'd worked in his life. Getting his doctorates was going to seem like it had been a breeze.

His muscles ached as though he'd been running from a horde of Jaffa and he looked longingly at his bed. But Luke and Victoria, his speech therapist, had decided they were going to have lunch with him in his room. The trouble he had speaking and swallowing was determined to be a case of lingering muscle weakness--something that would improve with therapy and time. And as Luke liked to say, there was no time like the present to start improving.

"Lllunchhh," Daniel said as he pushed a spoon through his small bowl of pureed fruit.

Victoria smiled at him over her container of yogurt. "You're not quite up to a steak yet, Daniel. I'm pretty sure that you should be able to eat some solid foods by the end of the week. We're going to work on your chewing and swallowing along with your speech."

"Ssss good," Daniel said after he cautiously swallowed the spoonful of fruit.

He hated how slow he was. And the spoon he used was a large one that Luke had velcroed to a strap on his right hand. His grip still wasn't quite strong enough to hold a utensil on his own, but even he recognized that it was stronger than when he first emerged from the induced coma in the SGC.

Luke and Victoria engaged him in light conversation and to his surprise he found his speech got a little clearer as he practiced. All too soon the meal was over and two nurses appeared at the door.

"We thought that you might like to take a bath," one of the nurses said and held up some towels.

A bath. The thought of being in water instead of having someone wash him while he lay in bed was very appealing and Daniel nodded.

"See ya later," Luke called after him as the nurse wheeled him down the hall.

A half hour later, Daniel was feeling clean and even more tired than he'd felt before lunch.

"We'll have you back in your room and in your bed in a few minutes, sir," the female nurse said as she adjusted one of the foot-rests on the wheelchair.

"Ready?" The male nurse asked.

Daniel nodded and then put up his hand as they passed a mirror in the large bathroom. "Wwait."

The wheelchair stopped and Daniel reached out towards the stranger staring at him from the mirror. Surely that thin man couldn't be him. He put his hand to his cheek and watched as the man in the mirror did the same. His hair. He'd known he'd lost it due to the drugs Janet had been forced to use to save his life but he wasn't quite prepared for the sight of himself bald and pale. He closed his eyes against his reflection and shuddered. "Go," he ordered the nurse. "Go."

****  
Jack wasn't surprised to find Daniel in bed when he visited late in the afternoon. It had been an exhausting day for his partner he was sure.

"Daniel?" he asked as he entered the room. Daniel was propped on his side facing the window. Daniel didn't give a response and Jack walked quietly to the bed. Maybe Daniel was asleep. "Daniel?" he asked again, this time in a softer voice.

Jack leaned over the bed. Okay, so not asleep, just staring out the window and ignoring Jack. He reached down and placed a hand on Daniel's bony shoulder and rubbed slightly, only to have Daniel hunch that shoulder in a weak attempt to throw it off.

"Daniel?"

"...llone."

"Why? You mean you don't want my charming presence here?"

Jack heard a hitch in Daniel's breathing as if he'd been crying. Which Jack immediately dismissed because Daniel didn't cry. At least he didn't let anyone see him cry.

"Why?" Daniel asked.

Jack walked to the other side of the bed, unable to continue a conversation looking at Daniel's back. "Why what?"

Daniel stared at him and licked his lips before he started to talk. "Why diddddn't you ttttelll mmmmme?"

"Tell you what?" Jack was thoroughly confused. "We talked about you coming here yesterday, remember?" Maybe Daniel's exhaustion was confusing him, maybe Daniel didn't remember why he was here. Jack had to admit to himself it was grasping at a straw but it was the only straw he could grab.

"No." Daniel's voice was sharp and he reached a shaky hand to his head. "This."

Ah. Jack sat down on the edge of Daniel's bed, covering the shaking hand with his own. "It'll grow back."

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut. "Now."

"Ah, Danny." Jack felt helpless at Daniel's pain. He slid his hand to Daniel's bald head, the skin so very soft under his fingers. "It'll grow back. I thought you knew. I kinda like the Yul Brynner look on you."

Daniel opened his eyes and gave what Jack considered a passing attempt at a glare.

"Telly Savalas?" When Daniel shook his head, Jack continued. "Patrick Stewart?" A small laugh accompanied Jack's list and Daniel shook his head again.

"Robert Duvall?" Jack sighed. "I'm running out of bald guys here, Daniel." He looked down to see Daniel smiling. Jack smiled back. "Teal'c?"

"T.," Daniel said and nodded.

Jack hesitated for only a moment and then pulled his ball cap from his back pocket. "Here," he said, offering it to Daniel. "Just until you don't need it anymore." When Daniel nodded again, Jack placed the cap on his bald head. Daniel bowed his head and Jack waited for a few seconds to allow his partner to regain his composure.

"Okay. Now that we have that out of the way, tell me what you've been up to all day," Jack said.

Daniel's speech was slow and slurred at times, but Jack could hear an improvement from the past few days.

"Ssam?" Daniel asked when he'd finished his account of his day.

"Carter? She's tied up doing some work on one of her thingamabobs."

Daniel shook his head. "She okay?" Daniel's gaze was intense and he moved his hand to Jack's wrist.

"She's gonna be fine, Daniel. She's gonna get some help." Jack promised. The imprisonment had formed a bond between Daniel and Carter that Jack doubted could ever be broken. He knew they'd been close before but this had only served to make them even closer and more protective of one another.

A knock at the door interrupted any further conversation. One of Daniel's nurses came into the room carrying two bags of nutritional supplement. Daniel made a face.

"Taste that bad, huh?" Jack asked.

Daniel rolled his eyes. Jack knew Daniel hated the feeding tube, but Fraiser had explained to both of them it was necessary for Daniel to get adequate nutrition and also some medications. His partner gave a sigh and pulled up his pajama top to give the nurse access to the small tube.

"Sir?" She asked Jack.

Jack started to stand but Daniel kept hold of his wrist.

"Stay," he said and then looked at the nurse. "Jack stays."

The nurse simply smiled and nodded. She efficiently hooked Daniel up to the first bag and then patted his shoulder. "I'll be back when this one is done, sir."

Within five minutes, Daniel was sound asleep. Jack remained sitting on the bed. He traced the hollows in Daniel's cheeks, allowed himself to gently touch Daniel's head where the ball cap rested, and then sat quietly, watching Daniel breathe.

****

Sam hid a yawn behind her hand as she walked towards the therapy room. She, Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c, and Doctor Kinnon, Daniel's temporary replacement had just returned from a mission to P3G-001 where they'd spent the better part of a week hammering out a trade deal that would provide the SGC with naqadah and the natives with agricultural expertise. Doctor Kinnon was good at her job, there was no doubting that, but she wasn't Daniel. She dreaded informing Daniel that the colonel was laid up for a few days in the infirmary, the result of a dislocated shoulder acquired tripping in an overgrown irrigation ditch.

She stopped at the glass doors overlooking the large room. Daniel was on a raised platform on his back, a tall woman with severely braided hair supporting one of his legs. The woman said something and Sam saw the determination in Daniel's face as he pushed with his leg. Although she couldn't hear the discussion, Sam noted Daniel had the same expression on his face that he wore when he did what the colonel referred to as Goa'uld baiting.

The woman spoke again and Daniel rolled to his side and pushed himself up. Sam smiled. Two weeks ago, Daniel hadn't even been able to sit up on his own. He transferred himself to his wheelchair and began pushing it towards the door.

"Sam!" Daniel grinned as he saw her, despite his obvious tiredness from the therapy session. "You're home?"

Sam nodded and bent down to hug him.

"Ugh," he said when she did. "I stink." But he nuzzled his head into her neck anyway and put his arms around her.

"Doesn't matter," Sam murmured against the soft baby fuzz of his scalp. "Doesn't matter."

"Hey," Daniel said and pulled back slightly. He peered up at her and his lips narrowed. "Something happened? What?" He started to make his way down the hall and Sam had no choice but to follow.

"Colonel O'Neill dislocated his shoulder. Janet wants to keep him in the infirmary for a few days."

"Anesthesia?" Daniel asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. He didn't react too well to the sedation, but Janet said he'll be fine in another twenty four hours."

They were both silent as they continued towards Daniel's room.

"Dinner?" Daniel asked and stopped his wheelchair to look up at her.

"If you want company," Sam said.

Daniel smiled. "Company's good. But I need to get clean first."

"How about I meet you in the garden in an hour?" Sam offered.

"Forty five minutes," Daniel promised and continued on his way while Sam turned to walk the other way.

She found a bench set under some trees and near a small pond. Sam turned her face up to the dappled sunlight, closed her eyes and imagined the warmth healing her soul.

She found the improvement Daniel had made since leaving the SGC reassuring. His face was filling out more and she could see he'd put on some of the weight he so desperately needed to regain. His grip when he'd hugged her back had been stronger than she could remember since the mission to the Ijidi homeworld and his speech had improved in leaps and bounds. She could believe he was going to get better, regain his place on SG1 so they could all be going through the Gate together--the way it was supposed to be. Her own sessions with Mackenzie were helping her too, she had to admit, and Teal'c's calm, accepting presence was a quiet balm to her sometimes jangled nerves. Colonel O'Neill was being far more patient with her than she was with herself.

A quiet sound made her turn her head. She automatically checked her watch and was surprised to see almost forty five minutes had passed. Daniel smiled at her and held out his arms.

"Time for a proper hug," he said.

She leaned forward and hugged him tightly. He smelled like clean soap and his neck was still damp. She felt his arms tighten across her back and she bit her lip because the lump in her throat had grown to a monstrous size.

"Ah, Sam. Don't cry," Daniel whispered. "It's all over."

She took a deep breath and gave a shaky nod into his shoulder before pulling away. She turned her head and wiped at her eyes. When she looked back, he was still smiling but his eyes told her he understood.

"I thought you promised me dinner, Daniel," she said.

Daniel nodded. "If you don't mind the cafeteria," he said.

"Cafeteria is fine," Sam said. She stood up and hesitated. Daniel looked tired. She didn't know if she should offer to push his chair or if she should let him do it on his own. She never used to feel so unsure of herself around him.

His fingers closed around her wrist. "Sam. It's okay," he said. "I can get myself to the cafeteria."

She nodded, took a deep breath, and let Daniel lead the way.

****

Their dinner had been nice but by the end of it, Daniel was nearly asleep at the table. Sam pushed him back to his room and helped him into the chair by his bed. She left the room when the nurse came to hook him up to the feeding tube that was still being used to provide extra nutrition, and now she sat beside him in a chair she was sure was occupied most off-duty hours by Colonel O'Neill. Daniel had his head tilted back on the chair and he rolled it in her direction and gave a sleepy smile.

"Sorry," he murmured. "Jack should have warned you I'm not good company in the evening." He closed his eyes.

Sam reached for the ball cap he'd been wearing since she'd arrived and stopped short when he shook his head. She settled back in her chair.

"You're perfect company," Sam whispered and took his hand in hers. She rubbed her thumb on the skin between his thumb and index finger. "Just perfect."

It was silent in the room except for the sounds of the pump pushing the supplement into Daniel's still thin body and the softness of Daniel's breathing as he slept. Sam sat back, her hold on Daniel's hand tight and sure, and let the evening shadows fall around them.

****

"C'mon, Daniel," Luke urged as Daniel did his best to manipulate the small beads into their containers. "You can do this."

Daniel bit on the inside of his cheek and said nothing even as he dropped the red bead he held onto the table once more. He couldn't do it. He was never going to leave this place. His legs throbbed for the earlier exertion of walking a short distance in the PT room with Polly and now his hands were getting tired from Luke's insistence that he could, in fact, put some stupid little beads in some stupid containers. What the hell did they know?

"Try it again," Luke said and then as Daniel reached with his right hand which was stronger, added. "No, with your left hand."

Daniel glared at him and moved his left hand to the bead, closed his fingers around it, and dropped it once more, unable to keep his grip with fingers that sometimes felt numb. "I can't," he said through gritted teeth.

Luke rolled the bead his way and stared at him. Daniel stared back.

"I said I can't do it."

"And I think you can."

Daniel took a deep breath and swept his arm across the table. The containers holding the beads he'd successfully transferred spilled and beads scattered across the table. "I said I can't!" Daniel yelled.

Luke said nothing but set up the containers again. He held out his hand and beckoned with his fingers. Daniel watched him, his breath coming in harsh pants from his outburst. "Give me your left hand, Daniel." Luke smiled. "C'mon. Trust me."

Daniel reached out. Luke took his hand and turned it palm up. He began massaging the palm while he looked at Daniel.

"You can do this. I know you can. The problem is you want to do it without making any mistakes. You're putting too much pressure on yourself right now." He made a tsking noise as he moved his fingers up to Daniel's forearm. "Your muscles are way too tight. Relax, go with the flow. We're building strength here, not trying to get a brain that's damaged working again. So you gotta relax."

Luke's voice was soft and the massage was helping, Daniel had to admit.

"So help me, if you tell me to be one with the beads, I'll..."

Luke laughed and gently placed Daniel's arm back on the table. "Get busy. You have a lot of beads to put back where they belong."

****

Jack adjusted his pace as he and Daniel walked down the hall, Daniel using a walker.

"How's the shoulder doing?" Daniel asked, slightly breathless from the exertion.

Jack rolled it forwards and back. "Pretty good. Fraiser won't clear me for any missions for another couple of weeks. But yet she says I have no limitations on doing paperwork. Go figure."

"At least you can be useful," Daniel said in a low tone Jack nearly didn't catch.

Jack had noticed the slowly increasing frustration in Daniel over the past week. "You're working."

"No. I'm recovering, rehabilitating. I need to get back to work."

"Daniel," Jack said. He held his hands out to his sides, a gesture of futility.

"I need to get my life back," Daniel continued. "I need to get out of here. All I've done is trade one prison for another." He made his way to one of the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the grounds. "We, Sam and I, we only had a little patch of sky. That was all we could see and it was so far away."

Jack moved behind him and rested his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "This isn't forever."

"I know that," Daniel said and shrugged off Jack's hands. "I need..." He shook his head and then turned away from the window and ducked his head, but not before Jack caught a glimpse of what looked like immeasurable sadness in Daniel's eyes. "I'm going back to my room and going to bed."

Jack nodded, unable to speak against the lump in his throat and stuck close to Daniel as they made their slow way back down the hall. Damn the Ijidi to the deepest depths of Hell.

  
****

Janet smiled as she walked down the hall towards Daniel's room. She was sure he, and by extension his teammates, were going to be happy with the good news she had to share.

Daniel sat by the window in his room, oblivious to her entrance. She hesitated only a moment and then knocked on the door frame. He turned to face her, his expression changing quickly to a pasted-on smile.

"Janet?"

She smiled at him and walked to his side. "What would you think about going home in two days?"

His reaction was not what she expected. She thought she'd see one of his rare uninhibited smiles, something she hadn't seen since his return from the Ijidi, or barring that, some expression of happiness at her news. Instead he shrugged his shoulders and returned to staring out the window.

"I'm still using the walker," he finally said.

Janet crouched down by his chair and covered his hand with hers. "You're making wonderful progress, Daniel. You're walking more on your own than using the walker. You really only need that when you're tired, correct?" She waited for him to nod and then continued. "Your therapy can continue on alternate days. We can arrange for you to be brought here and taken home on those days."

"And when can I go back to work? When can I get back to SG1?"

Janet didn't bother to look away from him. She hadn't lied to him throughout his recovery; she wouldn't start now. "We'll see about you working a few hours in a week or so. As far as resuming your place on SG1, I can't tell you a time frame for that."

"I'm not going to be allowed back on the team, am I?" he asked and pulled his hand away from her.

"If you're able to regain the fitness level required to be on a team, if you can prove yourself physically and psychologically fit, then yes, I wouldn't have a problem with you rejoining SG1."

"You don't think I can though, do you?" Daniel pushed for an answer.

"I think if you..."

"Janet, you've always been honest with me. I want the truth."

Janet took a deep breath. "The truth is I don't know. I think you've come a long way, but you also have a long way to go." She heard a hitch in Daniel's breathing and touched her fingers to his chin to force him to look at her. "If it was anyone else, Daniel, I wouldn't be as unsure. You're the strongest man I know."

"I thought you said I was the most stubborn man you knew," Daniel said with a slight catch in his voice.

"In this case, stubborn equals strength," Janet whispered. "So I'd say you're well-equipped." She stood up then and rubbed her hands together. "Now let's start talking about what's going to be done to get you home."

  
****

"Home," Daniel said and Jack thought he'd never heard the word said with such longing.

Jack reached across the seat and wrapped his fingers around Daniel's hand. "Glad to be here?"

Daniel said nothing, didn't even look at Jack, but simply nodded. Fraiser hadn't batted an eye when Jack informed her that Daniel would staying at his place until he was fully recovered. She'd dragged him along into Daniel's room and made him sit and listen to all Daniel's instructions and limitations until Jack could have recited them in his sleep.

Jack got out of the truck and pulled Daniel's walker from the back. Daniel looked at him when he opened the door and Jack felt a momentary panic when he saw how pale Daniel was.

"Hey," Jack said. He unfolded the walker and then helped Daniel from the truck. He shoved his hands in his pockets when he had a sudden urge to put an arm around Daniel as he made his somewhat shaky way to Jack's door. He unlocked the front door and let Daniel decide where to go. Daniel turned and headed for the living room and Jack's easy chair.

"Comfy?" Jack asked as Daniel sighed.

"Yeah," Daniel said. His eyes were already closed. He leaned his head back and within seconds was sound asleep.

Jack sat on the coffee table and looked at him. Daniel's weight, while still below normal, was slowly being regained. His cheeks were fuller than they'd been and he looked more like himself. Jack smiled as he took in the ball cap. He swore that Daniel hadn't taken it off except for his therapy sessions in the pool or for showers. He shrugged to himself as he got up. As long as it provided Daniel some sense of comfort, Jack wasn't going to complain.

He went back out to the truck and made two trips to bring in Daniel's supplies. He couldn't resist another peek at Daniel when he came in for the second time. Still sound asleep, still breathing. Jack busied himself with taking Daniel's clothes up to the bedroom and putting them where they could be easily reached. By the time he finished putting everything else away, his stomach was growling.

Jack read over the list of Daniel's dietary restrictions and recommendations. Nothing too spicy, nothing too heavy. Jack grabbed a pan and cracked a couple of eggs into it and then put some bread in the toaster.

"Daniel?" he called as he went in the living room. "Time for lunch."

Daniel opened his eyes and looked at Jack in confusion. "Huh?" He rubbed his hands over his face. "What?" He looked around the room. "Where? Oh," he added as he came a little more awake.

"You want to eat in here or the kitchen?" When all your choices had been taken away for so long, Jack remembered how nice it was to have some say in the little things of life.

His partner shrugged. "Don't care."

"You decide." Jack remembered too how hard it was to choose.

Daniel twisted his hands together and frowned. Jack waited.

"Kitchen," Daniel finally said and slowly stood. He took a few steps away from the chair.

"Don't you..." Jack began to say and pointed at the walker and then went quiet when Daniel shot him a dirty look. "Guess not," he finished. He tried very hard not to hover as Daniel moved at a snail's pace to the kitchen. Jack hid his sigh of relief by dumping the scrambled eggs from the frying pan into a bowl. He glanced to the ceiling briefly. 'Give me strength,' he thought. 'because I'm either going to kill him or he's gonna send me to the loony bin.'

****

'I'm either going to kill him or he's going to send me straight to a mental hospital,' Daniel thought as Jack drove them to the mountain a week later. Between Jack's asking him if he needed to rest what felt like every ten minutes, Jack making sure he didn't do anything that could possibly be construed as over-doing, and Jack watching his every move as if Daniel was going to fall down, Daniel could not wait to work the two hours Janet had agreed for him to try.

He knew he should be grateful for Jack's concern. He knew everything that had happened had scared the crap out of Jack, but Daniel wanted to feel normal again. He wanted to not have people staring at him, not have to move what felt like fifty times slower than his usual speed, not have to stop in the middle of walking up the seven steps to the bedroom to gather the strength to walk the remaining distance. He wanted to put everything behind him and that was hard to do when every waking moment he was reminded of limitations. He wouldn't think of the nightmares that still came, the times he heard the voices of the men who hadn't been dead. At least Mackenzie didn't push for more feelings. And Daniel knew enough psychology to play the therapy game. No matter Mackenzie's skills, he couldn't take away the guilt Daniel felt every day.

Jack cleared his throat after they parked. Daniel looked at him and felt petty as he noticed Jack's expression, unsure and sad.

"Jack," Daniel said. He pushed open his own door. "You're going to stick close until we get to my office, right?"

"You want my help?"

Daniel nodded. "Wouldn't do for me to fall on my first day back on the job. Janet would probably ban me for a year or more."

The walk took longer than expected since every person they met had to stop in the hallways and personally greet Daniel. By the time they reached his office, Daniel was glad to see Jack close it behind them. He swallowed hard and touched one of the stacks of paper on his table. "I didn't think anyone would miss me that much," Daniel said. He looked at the papers, at his office that seemed far cleaner than it should for someone who'd been away for months.

"Nyan and some of the other archaeology staff cleaned it for you," Jack offered. "They said they actually understand your filing system."

Daniel nodded and then sat down in front of his computer. "Yeah."

"Someone will be back for you in two hours," Jack said then and cleared his throat again. He hesitated as Daniel watched him and then took the two steps closer to put his hand around the back of Daniel's neck and give a rough squeeze. "You're gonna be okay?"

For the first time that day, Daniel gave what felt like a genuine smile. "Yeah, I'm gonna be okay." The picture on the top of the pile caught his attention. He picked it up and began studying it. Definitely Greek influence in the design of the temple. He reached out for the magnifying glass he kept handy and vaguely heard what seemed like a muffled chuckle. He raised one hand to wave without even looking up. "Greek," he muttered out loud. He started flipping through the file folder to which the picture was attached, his mind already starting to form possible theories.

****

Teal'c focused on Major Carter's report of the mineral samples they'd been able to gather from the MALP sent to P7U-456.

"Does anyone have any questions?" she asked and paused in front of the screen.

Teal'c glanced around the table. O'Neill shook his head and Teal'c could see the doodles mixed in among the notes his commanding officer had taken. Daniel Jackson sat with his head down, his hands still on a file folder.

"Doctor Jackson, I know you've done some preliminary research on the images we received from the MALP. Would you share your findings with us?" General Hammond asked.

Daniel Jackson did not respond to Hammond's question, and Teal'c began to rise from his seat.

"Doctor Jackson?" the general asked again in concerned tones.

"Huh?" Daniel Jackson looked up from his papers, evidently confused.

"Your report, Daniel," O'Neill said, not unkindly.

"Oh, uh, yeah." Teal'c watched as his friend opened the file folder with over-exaggerated care.

"Do you need some help?" Major Carter offered. "Do you want me to start the slide show for you?"

Teal'c noticed the brief look of disgust cross Daniel Jackson's face before it was quickly replaced with a smile. "No thanks, Sam. I can handle it from here."

Unlike Daniel Jackson's usual presentations, this one was disjointed. Certainly it was apparent his friend had prepared for it very well and all the information necessary for SG1 was there. But Daniel Jackson frequently lost his place or stopped speaking as if to gather his thoughts into a more coherent fashion.

"Thank you, Doctor Jackson," General Hammond said as the last slide faded from the screen. "SG1, you have a go at 0900."

"I'll be in my office," Daniel Jackson said as SG1 stood. "If anyone needs anything..."

"Daniel, you know you..."

"Yes, Jack," Daniel Jackson said. "I *do* know. Don't think I'm not reminded of it every day." He took a deep breath. "I'll see you guys when you get back."

The silence in the briefing room was heavy as Daniel Jackson left. Major Carter studied the table while O'Neill stared at the closed door.

"That went well, dontcha ya think?" O'Neill finally asked.

"Daniel Jackson's frustration is understandable," Teal'c said. "He would like to be a full member of SG1 again."

Major Carter looked up at them, her blue eyes wide. "And if he can't? That will destroy him."

"Then we'd better damn well make sure he gets it all back," O'Neill said and stood. "Understood?"

"I understand, O'Neill," Teal'c said. He didn't voice his own concern. That if Daniel Jackson was unable to return to SG1 it wouldn't only destroy him but it would destroy the rest of the team. As for Teal'c, he'd do everything he could to restore his young friend to the man he used to be.

  
****

Daniel watched his team-mates walk through the wormhole without him--again. The lump that was always in his throat nowadays felt like a boulder. He hunched his shoulders against the pain he felt when the wormhole blinked out.

"Doctor Jackson." General Hammond stood by his side, and Daniel turned to face him in surprise. He hadn't noticed the general until the man spoke.  
"It's tough being the one left behind," General Hammond said, his voice quiet so it wouldn't be overheard.

Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm fine, sir."

General Hammond, to his credit, didn't say a word against his comment. He simply nodded. "I thought we could have a talk in my office, son," he said.

Daniel's stomach gave a little flip-flop. He knew Janet had been keeping Hammond informed on his progress. What if she'd told the general he wouldn't ever be able to come back full-time? What if Hammond wasn't pleased with his performance lately? He had to admit he still wasn't at one hundred percent, but he hadn't made any mistakes on any of the translations he'd done even if he wasn't doing the amount of work he usually did.

He followed Hammond to the comfortable office and sat down in the chair the general indicated. Daniel wiped his hands on his pants and hoped Hammond didn't notice his anxiety.

"Doctor Fraiser and I spoke earlier today, Doctor Jackson," General Hammond began. He opened a file folder while Daniel sat still, his heart pounding and his mouth dry. "She's very pleased with the progress you've made. She's recommended that you come back on duty full-time; however,..."

"Full-time?" Daniel asked. His hands trembled in relief and he relaxed a fraction.

"Full time," Hammond said and smiled. "There are some restrictions. She's quite clear in her directions that you work only the hours specified, and off-world missions are still not approved."

Daniel nodded. He hadn't hoped for that much. Hammond was continuing with his report.

"Doctor Mackenzie has also released you from any further sessions with him."

That wasn't a surprise. Mackenzie had told Daniel that last week. Being back full-time would occupy any of those stray times Daniel allowed the memories of the Ijidi to creep in.

General Hammond stood up and Daniel scrambled to his feet. He took the hand Hammond held out. "It'll be good to have you back here full-time, Doctor Jackson. Congratulations."

"Thank you, sir," Daniel said. He thought of letting the rest of his team know the good news until he remembered he'd just seen them off-world less than an hour ago and the elation he felt came crashing down into regret. But not for long. He had a nice backlog of work to catch up on. Concentrating on that would take all of his attention.

  
****

"I'm okay, Sam," Daniel said for what felt like the hundredth time. "I just tripped." He had to resist the urge to push her hand away.

"Maybe I should call Colonel O'Neill," Sam said, biting her lip. "Or Janet. I could call Janet."

"I tripped, Sam. I'm not hurt." Daniel stepped away from her and started putting the rest of the groceries on the kitchen counter away. Sam continued to stick close by, her arm brushing against his as she helped to put the cans in the cabinet. He could feel the tension in her. They'd spent too much time together over the years for him not to be aware of her moods.

His palms stung from hitting the deck when he'd caught a toe on the edge of the picnic bench seat and he was sure he'd have a bruise or two on his leg but there was no way he was letting Sam know that. Embarrassing himself in front her had been bad enough without her fussing over him.

Even though he worked his full hours at the SGC, his teammates still didn't seem to accept that he was indeed capable of the workload.

"I'm going to make the salad so it's ready when Jack and Teal'c get here," Daniel informed Sam. "You want to put the steaks in the marinade?"

"I can make the salad," Sam said. She opened Jack's refrigerator and began pulling out the lettuce, peppers, and other vegetables. "Why don't you go rest?"

Daniel kept his growing anger in check and slid the cutting board towards himself. "I don't need to rest. I'm fine, Sam."

"The negotiations with the Kurylon delegates lasted longer than anyone expected," Sam said.

"Yes."

"I thought Janet didn't want you to work longer than..."

Daniel put the pepper he was holding down on the board with exacting precision. "Sam, I told..." He looked at her and then inwardly cursed as his voice slightly shook. It was no use fighting. He might have felt he had the energy to fight a horde of Jaffa but fighting his team on this seemed to be a losing proposition for him. He put his hands on her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "I'm gonna go lie down for awhile." It had been the right thing to say. She smiled.

He walked to the bedroom, angry more at himself than at anyone else. Sam *had* kept him alive on Ijidi. Jack *had* been unfailingly supportive during his recovery, and Teal'c *had* spent countless hours helping Daniel rebuild his strength. All of them had done so much for him, and all he seemed to do lately was repay their kindnesses with ingratitude. He went into the bathroom to splash some cool water on his face and stared at the man in the mirror. He touched his own reflection. Did he really look that different to them? His face appeared much as it had the day they'd left on his last mission off-world, although there were maybe a few more lines where there hadn't been before. His hair was still very short, but he no longer felt the need to wear Jack's ball cap every waking moment. His clothes fit him better than they had for months. Why couldn't they see it? Why was he moving forward while Jack, Sam, and Teal'c remained stuck believing he still needed constant care? He buried his face in the towel, rubbing his skin roughly.

He could hear Sam in the kitchen, moving around, doing a job he should be doing. He sat down on the edge of the bed and waited. He'd go back in a few minutes once he got himself under control, once he was ready to put on the smile that everyone believed meant Daniel was happy and pleased with his slow but steady recovery.

****

Jack came into the bedroom, not surprised to find Daniel stretched out on the bed and sound asleep. Although Daniel was nearly back to his normal self, he still tired easily. He moved around the bedroom quietly, and emptied his pockets onto the dresser. His ball cap was lying there and Jack picked it up. Daniel had finally given up wearing it a week ago, a sign Jack took as a sure sign Daniel was going to be back on SG1 and stepping through the Gate with them sooner rather than later. He hung it over the back of the chair and then went into the bathroom.

When he came back out, Daniel was lying on his side, watching him.

"Hey sleepyhead," Jack said as he sat down. "Have a good nap?"

"I wasn't sleeping," Daniel said. "Just resting."

"We can make supper later if you want some more time," Jack said. It hadn't been the right comment to make.

"I don't know why everyone insists on me needing to be asleep more than I'm awake." Daniel slid to the other side of the bed and got up. "How many times do I have to tell everyone I feel fine?"

"Let's go then," Jack said, ignoring the comments. He doubted Daniel wanted an answer anyway and most likely some coffee would soothe the savage beast. "Teal'c's starting the grill, and I'm really hoping I still have a deck when I get back down there."

****

Okay so coffee wasn't what Daniel needed. Even the steak knife Jack held wouldn't cut through the tension hanging over the picnic table. Daniel ate his food with single minded determination, chewing each bite so thoroughly he didn't do more than nod to any comments anyone made. Carter looked confused by Daniel's silence and Teal'c only ate three helpings of corn on the cob, steak, and potatoes. Things were not good in SG1-land. Jack pushed his own plate away, the steak suddenly tasteless.

"So gang, everyone ready to watch a movie?" Maybe distraction would work.

"What movie, sir?" Carter asked. That had perked her up a little bit.

"Thought Daniel could pick," Jack said. He gave Daniel a nudge with an elbow. "What do you want to watch?"

Daniel shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"You have not picked our evening entertainment in a long time, DanielJackson," Teal'c said.

Daniel stiffened beside Jack and then pushed his plate away. "Yeah, well. I've been kinda busy."

"Maybe Teal'c and I should leave, sir," Carter said. She bit her lower lip in the habit she'd acquired when she was unsure around Daniel.

"You don't have to leave," Daniel said. He stood up and grabbed his plate and silverware. "I just don't care."

"Let me help you with..."Carter said, standing to gather some more of the supplies.

"Damn it, Sam!" Daniel snatched a plate out of her hands. "I don't need your help. I'm not a child!"

"Daniel," Jack said in a low voice and stood himself. Daniel rounded on him then, his eyes blazing behind his glasses.

"Don't be patronizing, Jack. I'm perfectly able to clear a stupid table."

"I only wanted to help," Sam said. "I know you're..."

"Stop it. Stop it. Just stop it! Let me get my life back."

"No one said you can't have it back," Sam said. She appeared more confused than hurt by Daniel's words.

"Yes you have. You all have. 'Take a nap, Daniel.' 'Are you sure you don't need help?' 'Daniel don't you think you should rest?'" Daniel pitched his voice higher, almost mocking. "Eat this. Don't eat that. Do this. Don't eat that. I'm an adult. My body may have been damaged but my mind isn't."

"I'm sorry," Carter said. "If I had..."

"Then stop reminding me, okay? I know I failed you on Ijidi. I know it every time I look in the mirror."

"It wasn't your fault, Daniel. I'm military. You're the civilian. It was my job to protect you."

"Well you did a damn fine job of it, didn't you? You come out of it without a scratch and I get to be a lab rat." He pointed at Teal'c and then at Jack. "And what about you? Safe here. We waited for days and no one came. Not either of you." Daniel's voice was getting even louder and Jack reached out to touch his forearm.

Daniel turned on him. "What? You can touch me now when you can't even bear to touch me in bed?"

Jack let his hand fall away. Daniel stood hard-breathing and his face reddened by what he'd just said.

"Oh God," he said sounding lost. "Oh God, I didn't...and now...Sam and..."  
He stepped away from the table, one hand outstretched behind as he walked backwards toward the glass doors leading into the house. "I...that was..." He reached them, opened one and turned, slipping inside.

"Well," Jack said. How did one break a silence this uncomfortable.

Carter picked up some silverware but it clattered in her hands, shaking as they were. "Shouldn't you go after..." She stopped and looked at Jack with a small smile. "Sorry."

"I don't think Daniel wants *any* company right now," Jack said. Maybe if he ignored the last comment Daniel had thrown out, Carter and Teal'c would forget about it.

"We knew, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

Or maybe not.

"And? Carter?"

She sat back down as if her legs wouldn't support her anymore. "On Ijidi, he kept asking for you when things were at their worst. I kept telling him you were coming. That you and Teal'c would be there to rescue us. It was the only way I knew how to help him." She looked up at Jack. "I think. I think Teal'c and I should leave, sir." She took a shaky breath and then put her head down.

She was crying. Jack knew she was crying, and he didn't have a damn thing to say to fix it.

  
He waited until Carter pulled out of the driveway, Teal'c in the passenger seat beside her. He took his time gathering the ruins of the picnic, making far more trips than necessary. He rinsed dishes and loaded the dishwasher, put the leftovers in plastic containers and set them in the refrigerator, and then stood at the sink and stared out the window at the red-gold sunset. That journey he thought was nearing its end had just taken a detour Jack didn't expect.

  
****

"Daniel?" Jack called his partner's name again before he noticed the hastily scribbled note taped to the back of the front door.

"Needed to get out. D." That was all it said. He knew Daniel hadn't taken his car or Jack's truck. They'd been parked in by Carter's car. He wanted to get in his truck and take off in a systematic search for Daniel.

"Yeah, you try that, O'Neill," he said aloud, simply to break the quiet. "Let him know he isn't capable of even taking a walk on his own."

He'd play it cool, that's what he'd do when Daniel returned. And that Daniel would return was unquestionable, so Jack went to the den, turned on the TV and picked up the remote. There had to be some sort of mindless entertainment to keep his brain occupied.

  
****

The sound of the front door closing woke Jack from his light doze. He got up cautiously, Special Ops training never left a person.

"Jack?" It was Daniel just as Jack figured it would be. He glanced at the clock on the DVD player, surprised it was nearly midnight. Surely Daniel hadn't been out walking that whole time.

"In the den," Jack called back even as he started for the hall.

He revised his opinion as soon as he saw Daniel. Most likely Daniel had been walking for much of the time. His shirt was partially unbuttoned and his hair was damp with sweat, not to mention he looked beat, although Jack wasn't sure if that was from physical exhaustion or mentally beating himself.

"Jack," Daniel said in a low voice. "I...damn...I..."

"C'mere." Jack walked to him and saved Daniel the trouble, pulling him into a rough hug and tightening his arms around him. Daniel responded by tightening his own arms, grabbing onto Jack as if he was a lifeline to a drowning man.

"God. That was stupid."

Jack held even tighter. "Carter and Teal'c knew. Never told us they knew but they knew."

"Still was stupid. Even if they do know, I don't want my sex life or lack thereof broadcast to them." Daniel pushed back and Jack let him go. "I'm sorry."

Jack shook his head. "I didn't...damn it, Daniel, why didn't you say something?"

"What was I supposed to say? I know what I looked like when I first came back from Ijidi. I saw myself in the mirror." Daniel sounded as if he was giving one of his reports.

Jack took a moment to register Daniel's words. "Wait a minute. You think I was avoiding you because of your hair or the weight you lost? You're serious?"

Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and looked over the tops of his glasses. He didn't need to say a word.

Jack scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I thought you were gonna break."

"Break? As in..." Daniel made a circling motion near one temple.

"No." Jack shook his head. "Break as in, you know." He took his hands and pulled them apart as if breaking a stick. "You just seemed so insubstantial. So..."

"Breakable?" Daniel finished for him.

"Yeah, that." Jack reached out and put his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Guess maybe I was stupid too."

For the first time that evening, Daniel's mouth quirked into a smile. "I always did say you were an ass, Jack."

"You wanna see?" Jack asked and pulled Daniel closer. There was none of the resistance he expected.

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine," Daniel murmured before he covered Jack's lips with his.

"Not the floor," Jack said between kisses as Daniel tugged at the hem of Jack's T-shirt.

"Bedroom then?" Daniel asked, breathless as he withdrew from another attempt of kissing Jack senseless.

"Bedroom." Jack agreed. He pulled away, reluctant, but willing to delay pleasure for the few seconds it would take them to reach the bedroom.

Daniel flopped on the bed, gripping Jack's shirt to pull him along. Jack bounced slightly on the bed and then maneuvered to a better position.

He reached up to touch Daniel's face. "God, Danny. It's been so long."

Daniel didn't say a word but went back to tugging on the hem of Jack's t-shirt. Jack shivered as Daniel lowered his head to his belly, his sweat-spiked hair tickling his ribs.

"I hate it when you do that," Jack gasped out as Daniel ran his tongue across Jack's skin and then blew softly.

"Huh," Daniel replied. A man of few words was Daniel when he was working. And then he did it again.

Jack reached down, pushing his hands between Daniel's chin where it seemed welded to Jack's abdomen and his own body to undo the button on his khakis.

Daniel smiled against his skin and then touched the jeans, his knuckles skimming sensitive skin. He planted a kiss there, right in Jack's navel while he undid the zipper. Jack pushed his head back against the mattress and thought BDUs were much easier to get out of.

"Up," Daniel ordered and Jack lifted his hips while Daniel pulled on the fabric. It was a good thing he liked his clothes loose Jack thought as the fabric was whisked down to the vicinity of his ankles. He pushed his boxers down and saved Daniel the trouble.

Jack grunted as Daniel ran his fingers down the length of his cock. He was going to die if Daniel didn't soon do *some* thing, anything. But Daniel didn't seem to care about Jack's imminent demise instead touching just the tip of his tongue to the tip of Jack's cock and then giving a kiss that was no more than a peck. Jack reached down, blindly, and grabbed hold of Daniel. A quiet ow made him realize he'd jabbed Daniel's ear.

"Sorry," Jack gasped. "Sorry."

Daniel moved away slightly, cool air hitting Jack's over-heated body. There was the sound of fabric against skin and then the sensation of Daniel's warm skin against Jack's own.

"Jack," Daniel said once. He ran his hand over Jack's cock once more, warm and slippery with lube. The bed creaked, Daniel moved swiftly and Jack had his cock full in Daniel's ass. Jack grabbed Daniel's hips, blindly, but he knew how their bodies fit together. A still rational part of him wasn't surprised to find the fit was much as it had ever been even after the Ijidi.

Jack came, shuddering and red showing behind his closed eyes. He kept his hands on Daniel even as he withdrew. Somehow he knew that was important even though he wasn't sure his brain was still even in the same galaxy.

Daniel shifted, pushed himself further up the bed, until he was stretched out on his side next to Jack, calf to calf, thigh to thigh, rib to rib. Jack reached across him and wrapped his hand around Daniel's cock. He smiled as Daniel covered his hand with his own. They moved in rhythm until Daniel found his own release, their intertwined hands covered with it. Daniel gave a small grunt and then a sigh. And then was quiet.

Jack didn't want to move, but he twisted one arm behind him and managed to fumble open the nightstand drawer with its container of babywipes. He cleaned himself and then began to clean Daniel until Daniel closed his hand around Jack's wrist with a near-iron grip.

"Daniel?"

Daniel shook his head on the pillow but didn't speak. Jack propped himself up on one elbow and looked over his partner's shoulder.

"Ah, Daniel," Jack whispered and lay back down. He pushed his other arm under Daniel's ribcage and wrapped him in a hug. Daniel pulled the hand he gripped in his close to his face and Jack let Daniel's silent tears absorb into his skin.

****

Daniel woke with his heart pounding. He had to, he had to... He sat up and brought his knees up to rest his forehead on them.

"Daniel?" Jack sounded alarmed. He turned on the light on the night table.

"Light." Daniel squinted as the darkened room turned bright and kept his head down.

"Sorry," Jack mumbled. "You okay?"

Daniel took a deep breath through his mouth, once, twice, and finally lifted his head to look at Jack. "I need to apologize to Sam. And to Teal'c too. But mostly I need to see Sam." He got out of bed and went to the chair where he'd thrown a pair of jeans a day or two ago. He shook them out and put them on, aware of Jack's scrutiny. "Shirt. Where did I put my shirt? Did you do laundry?" he asked Jack.

"Daniel, it's..."Jack turned the clock on the night table to face him, "two thirty. Two thirty as in *a.m.*"

"Uh huh," Daniel replied. He grabbed the shirt that had slipped to the floor. "And I still need to tell her I'm sorry."

"You're going to Carter's house at two thirty? In the morning?" Jack's tone wavered between incredulous and scoffing.

"Yes. I am." Daniel sat down to put on his shoes. He stopped after he tied the right one to look at Jack. "I can't wait."

"Carter is so gonna love you for this," Jack said. He got out of bed and came to Daniel's side. "Drive safe."

Daniel felt his mouth drop open. "You aren't going to go along?"

"You're a grown man, Daniel. I don't think you need a chaperone." Jack said. He grabbed Daniel's keys from the dresser and handed them to him. "Have fun. And don't make lots of noise when you come home."

Daniel closed his fingers around the keys. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Jack said and gave a little wave as he walked back to the bed.

  
****

As he waited at Sam's door some ten minutes later, Daniel had to admit that this probably wasn't more of his better ideas. The light at the door came on and Daniel waited a few moments until it was pulled open.

"Teal'c?" He said in surprise. "Is, uh, is Sam here?"

"She is indeed, DanielJackson," Teal'c answered and opened the screen door.

"Who is it?" Daniel heard Sam call from another room.

"Me," he called back before Teal'c could answer. It was only then he noticed that the house was dark except for one small lamp in the living room.

Sam came into the hallway, covered with a dark blue bathrobe she had tied shut. "Daniel? What's wrong? Did something happen? The SGC? Colonel O'Neill?"

"No. No, Sam. Jack said this probably wasn't a good idea. Well it's not exactly a bad idea, but it's two thirty and you were asleep and..."

"It is two forty five, DanielJackson," Teal'c informed him. "MajorCarter was not asleep."

"Oh," Daniel said and then he took in Sam's disheveled appearance. "Oh."

"No, Daniel," Sam said. "It's been a rough night, that's all."

"Shall I make coffee?" Teal'c offered.

Daniel nodded without thinking. "Thanks, Teal'c." He took Sam's hand. "Sam, we need to talk."

He let her lead him into the living room. She didn't light another lamp but sat down on the sofa. Daniel hesitated. He didn't know if he should take the cushion next to her or sit on the chair on her left side. He opted for the chair.

"Daniel?" she asked.

"I'm sorry." He blurted it out. On the way over, he'd come up with a nice well thought out apology. But now that it was time all the words fled and he was left with only that.

"Sorry," Sam echoed. "You came over to tell me you were sorry."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Daniel said. He put his head in his hands. "What I said was cruel and hurtful."

Sam shook her head. "No. It was the truth. The Ijidi were cruel and hurtful, Daniel. You have every right to be angry."

He looked at her expecting to see condemnation and saw instead a tentative smile. "I'm not. Angry that is. I'm better. It's over. Mackenzie signed off on me a couple of weeks ago."

"You are angry," Sam said, her voice as calm as when she discussed her scientific findings. "You're very angry and you don't want anyone to see it because if you do you're afraid you'll fall apart."

Daniel stared at a light spot on his jeans. It was probably going to become a hole when he threw them in the washer next time. Frayed and ruined, just like...oh God...just like his life.

"Mackenzie couldn't understand, Sam," Daniel said. He covered the light spot with his hand, palm down to hide it. "No one can except you and me."

"I know," Sam said. She leaned over into his space and caught his fingertips. "Come here."

Daniel got up, sat on the cushion next to hers. "Do you have nightmares?" he asked.

"Not every night. But yes, sometimes." Her voice was quiet like the water in Jack's lake. Calm, placid.

"I hear their screams. The screams of the men who weren't dead. I stand and watch and they scream until I think I'll lose myself in the screams. And then sometimes I'm the one who's screaming but no one is there to hear." Daniel said. His hands began to shake. They hadn't done that in a long time. He folded his fingers together and tried to hold them tight but it didn't work. He couldn't make it stop. "They won't stop," he said and looked at Sam. "They won't stop." He thought he meant his hands but maybe he didn't. Maybe it was the screams. "I think I screamed, Sam," he said. "Did I scream when I was with you? I didn't want to scare you."

"You didn't scream," Sam said. Her hands covered his own and pressed down. "You showed such courage, Daniel. More courage than anyone I've ever known."

"I'm so tired," Daniel whispered. "I didn't know how to save you. To save anyone. To save myself. I'm so sorry. I'm so tired."

"Then rest, DanielJackson."

Daniel had his eyes closed and it seemed very hard all of a sudden to open them again to look at Teal'c. So he didn't, but he could feel Teal'c's warmth as he sat down.

"Even the bravest of warriors needs to rest to gather his strength for the coming battles."

"I think," Daniel said, with the clarity of an idea that sometimes comes when the mind and body are drifting between wakefulness and sleep, "I think that I need to talk to someone."

"I think," Sam whispered in his ear, "that this time you won't be alone."

He smiled and let his head fall to the side and rested it on her shoulder.

"Shall I call O'Neill?" Teal'c asked, his voice a rumble to Daniel's left.

"Not yet, Teal'c," Sam said and her breath was soft as summer on his cheek. "Not yet. Daniel and I need this time to ourselves."

He twisted his hand and caught her fingers in his. For now, he was where he needed to be. The journey wasn't yet over but for the first time in months, the path ahead wasn't hidden from sight.

  
****

Daniel caught Sam in a hug as they exited the small building. Jack felt like a voyeur as he watched Daniel give Sam a gentle kiss on top of her head. She laughed and said something before lightly punching him on the arm. Even better to Jack's eyes was Daniel's reaction. He rubbed his arm in mock pain and then smiled. He waved at Sam as she headed to her car. Sam beeped her horn as she left the parking lot and Jack saw her wave from an open window.

Daniel stood on the pavement, his shoulders slumped slightly as if the effort of smiling had depleted him, but then he straightened and walked at a brisk pace towards the truck. Jack leaned across the seat and pushed the door open.

"Hey," Jack said. He didn't expect much of a response. The sessions with Mackenzie always left Daniel tired and quiet. Jack had to admit there had been changes for the good. Daniel's appetite was back to normal and he'd gained back much needed weight. Carter and Daniel were getting along although they never worked together after a session. They both seemed to need time to regroup. Daniel no longer woke up in the middle of the night and prowled the house for hours. Daniel was, not surprisingly, tight-lipped about the therapy sessions and that was okay with Jack. As long as Daniel and Carter were coming back to where they belonged, Jack was happy.

"Did Phil's give you an estimate?" Daniel asked. Jack pulled a folded paper from his pocket and handed it to Daniel, waiting for the expected comment.

"That much?"

"You realize that putting in the new transmission is going to cost more than your car is worth, don't you?" Jack asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"I like my car," Daniel said. He didn't take his eyes from the estimate. "It's comfortable."

"It's a hunk of junk at this point," Jack commented. "But hey it's your money."

"You think I should get a new car?" Daniel asked. Jack glanced at him and Daniel was biting his lower lip. The road back to what passed as normality was still a rocky one after all.

"I think you should do what you want." Jack put on his turn signal as they came to the first intersection.

Daniel took a breath so deep Jack could hear it. "You wanna swing by some car dealers after we eat lunch? You know just to look around?"

"Sounds like a plan," Jack said and smiled. He reached across the seat and took Daniel's hand. He squeezed and grinned even wider when Daniel squeezed back. "Sounds like a very good plan." The journey wasn't over but each day brought them one step closer to the end.

****

Jack drummed his fingers on his P90.

"Chevron one locked." Walter's voice came over the intercom.

"So Teal'c? You think we're gonna be alone on this mission?" Jack asked.

"I sincerely hope not, O'Neill," Teal'c answered.

"Chevron two locked."

"Where are Carter and Daniel then?"

"I do not know."

"Chevron three locked."

"So you think that will work?" Daniel's voice rang across the Gate room as he entered with Carter, backpack in one hand and book in the other.

"That should work. If it doesn't we can...oh hi, sir," Carter said when he stepped into her path.

"Chevron four locked."

"Carter. Daniel." Jack said, putting his hand to the bill of his cap. "Nice of you to join us."

"We're not late." Daniel crouched down to put the book into his backpack. "Were we late, Sam?"

  
"Chevron five locked."

Carter shook her head and looked at the Gate. "I don't think so."

"See, Jack," Daniel said, standing up and moving next to Jack. "We still had plenty of time."

"Chevron six locked."

"Oh yeah, plenty of time," Jack answered. "You think they are firing this up just for you?" He looked away before Daniel could see the smile on his face.

"Chevron seven locked."

The wormhole formed and Jack spared a moment to look at his friend. Daniel turned at that moment and smiled. Granted, Jack thought, the mission wasn't a big one. Just a simple meet and greet with natives they'd already talked to for a few days, but Daniel was smiling fit to beat the band and he was whole and healthy.

Carter and Daniel had spent the last month having sessions with Mackenzie. Jack didn't ask what they talked about, Daniel didn't share. But the nightmares had stopped and the anger no longer affected Daniel's work or his personal life.

"Ready?" Jack asked softly.

Daniel nodded but didn't look away from the Gate. "Yeah. I'm ready."

"Then let's go," Jack said. He turned to give General Hammond a thumbs up and walked up the ramp, Daniel, Carter, and Teal'c close by, just the way it should be on a journey of a lifetime.

  



End file.
